Edinburgh / Amsterdam / Prague

I keep starting my posts with this sentiment but: it has been so long since I last wrote. I’m writing from the Amsterdam airport. I’m on the tail end of a two week Europe trip.

Edinburgh to Amsterdam to Prague to Amsterdam to USA.

I left for this trip feeling a little burnt out with life back home but I return feeling cautiously recharged.

Edinburgh

I’m in Edinburgh. I’ve come here on a bit of a whim. Months ago I message Rupert about visiting Edinburgh Fringe. Weeks ago, Rupert reminds me that the festival’s happening. Burnt out with work and desperate for an escape, I book a ticket to Edinburgh to see the fest.

This is my first international trip of the year. When I arrive, I’m pleasantly surprised by a few things

  1. There are way more Asian people, more racial diversity than I expected

  2. Everyone seems so happy, joyful

  3. Everything is so close. We stay in an Airbnb on the royal mile and all of our shows are within 20 minutes walking distance

  4. The weather is pleasantly cold. Hovering between the high 50s and low 70s

  5. Sticky toffee pudding is so damn good

their meat pies were also so good

As were their crisps. I love this brand. I first had it in London a year ago. I loved it so much I ordered one from Amazon UK. Others do not seem to love them as much as me but more for me I suppose

The fest has taken over the entire city. There are more than 300 venues playing shows at any given moment. You can’t walk down the street without getting flyers for at least 3 different shows. Even the streets are taken over by performers—ranging from clowns to fire dancers to magicians.

We end up seeing 3-6 shows every day.

During this trip I see some of the best shows of my life.

Some highlights

  • Stamptown Comedy

    • I can’t do it justice by writing down what happened but here are some highlights.

      • As we walk in a dude on rollerblades wearing merch (hat, shirt) that says Dylan keeps rollerblading around. He throws himself into the performance. Some dudes in skin suits come out and dance behind him. He air drums to September by Earth Wind Fire. His finale song is Ridin Solo by Jason Derulo. They keep playing it throughout the show and he keeps running on stage

      • Main host comes out—sooooo funny. One of the funniest live dudes I've seen in my life. Zach Zucker. Plays this weird Brooklyn accented character the entire time. One of his main gags is to point at his ring whenever anyone in the crowd laughs and says "I'm married" llllllmaooooooo laughing as I sit in my chair writing this now

      • At one point he crowd works and talks to a girl named Caroline. Then he literally starts mumbling the entire song Roses by Outkast. Literally goes through 75% of the song. You think he'll stop but he just plows through. Takes a good 2-10 minutes with the entire gag

      • A woman called the Virgin comes out. Small, wearing black trash bags with a bunch of dark makeup on. Very trashy, disheveled looking. Her thing is to be filthy and pretend that God impregnated her and act super creepy. Actually pulls it off and it's so weird and dark that people are caught off guard but really like it. She goes around “baptizing” people with her drool. She asks permission from each crowd member but I still cringe each time they let her do it. She births a piece of raw steak and that becomes her prop the entire night

        • Weirdest, creepiest, most disgusting thing I’ve seen in a while but I was very engaged

    • This may be arrogance but when I watch shows I usually think to myself “I could totally do that.’ This was the first show in a while where the talent / skill level was so far beyond me that I couldn’t think that. Inspiration.

  • The Man Who Thought He Knew Too Much

    • Very charming four person play (with musical accompanist) where a frenchman gets caught up in an international conspiracy

    • The most interesting part of the show was how they framed the stage with their bodies. E.g. a scene where a character is aiming through a scope: the shooter is in the back of the stage looking through an imaginary scope on an imaginary gun while the other actors form a scope upstage with their bodies (two actors form a circle with their hands while the third actor stands in the middle of the circle). As the shooter adjusts the scope, so too do the actors forming the scope upstage.

    • So simple but so creative.

  • Grand Opera Hotel

    • A man starts a new job at what appears to be a old haunted hotel. On his first day he stumbles on what he thinks is a ghost singing opera (it turns out to be a coworker). The story focuses on the pair’s budding romance and how they connect with each other (they only meet face to face at the end of the show).

    • The first part of the show was a little dry but I was very pleasantly surprised when the latter half turned out to be an opera! I haven’t watched a musical where they delay singing until the second half of the show.

  • The Umbiliical Brothers

    • A unique format where the actors were onstage with green screens. They’d play skits on the green screen that would display on the larger screen above them.

    • Interesting gag where they videoed specific audience members and greenscreened the actors’ mouths over their faces and dubbed over them

  • A couple of Asian performances—4/4/4 (4 asian actors play 4 white IRL characters who had pretended to be Asian characters), Unforgettable Girl (solo show about an Asian mail order bride), Chris Grace as Scarlett Johansson (solo show talking about whitewashing roles)—ranging from decent to terrible.

    • Every Asian show we watched focused too much on Asianness in relation to white people. Which I understand given Edinburgh and most of the performers were pretty white. But it felt overdone.

    • We’ve seen so many Asian works lately that highlight Asianness without endlessly comparing it to whiteness. I wanted to see more of that.

Besides shows we also did a day trip to Loch Ness. Overrated in my opinion. It’s a lake with a castle and I’ve seen plenty of lakes and don’t care much for castles.

We stopped by Glencoe on the way back and that was stunningly beautiful.

On the ride back to Edinburgh we got into a fender bender and stopped for a few hours in the town of Callander. A small town with a main street with a few restaurants and pubs. The pub we went to had a small group of old Scottish people playing guitar and singing Karaoke. After a few drinks I mustered the courage to join them. They asked me to pick a song—something exciting. I picked my go-to Can’t Feel My Face by The Weeknd. Killed it. The Scottish grandmas and grandpas clamored for more but I—in my humble ways—passed the proverbial mic to the next performer.

After a few more songs we got the bus fixed and rode back to Edinburgh.

shout out to our bus driver Maj

Overall Edinburgh was amazing. Loved the city. Loved the fest. Could absolutely see myself living there for a year.

On my traveling companion: I am consistently impressed by how directly Rupert lives his life. Of all my friends I think he is the most direct in seeing something he wants and attempting to get it. Where others might refrain due to embarrassment or hesitation, he seems to go forward with no doubts. E.g. after the Stamptown show he wanted to stick around to meet the cast. I went home while he waited and met everyone. He ended up hanging out at the bar with them and doing magic tricks for them. I had a legitimate excuse for leaving (I had to book my next leg of the trip) but in the end that was still an excuse to not linger and wait and try to meet the cast.

Fun fact—In a weird chain of events:

  1. King of Scotland is defeated in battle

  2. They build a wall and move everyone inside the borders

  3. With no room to build horizontally, people start building vertically

  4. Edinburgh ends up with the tallest buildings during this era (12-14+ stories high. Unfortunately most of them burn down)

  5. People start throwing their waste out of these high storied buildings (shouting GARDYLOO which is french for “watch out for water” because the Scots love France)

  6. When drunkards hear people shouting this—in confusion—they instinctively look up and get smashed in the face by a dookie

    1. People also instinctively put their hands up leading to broken fingers :(

  7. Leading to the phrase shit faced drunk

Amsterdam

I was reluctant to leave Edinburgh (I could have stayed 2-3 more days enjoying the fest) but my time had come.

I landed in Amsterdam. I’d toyed with the idea of living there since my company has a branch office in the city and I wanted to check it out directly.

Honestly—a little underwhelmed. In contrast to the beautiful old castles of Edinburgh, Amsterdam was pretty modernized. There were plenty of positives—beautiful canals lining the streets, easy access for cyclists, a globalized food scene—but it didn’t capture my heart as much as Edinburgh.

The nightlife was great. It seemed to transform into a completely different city when night came.

Did all the usual stuff

  • canal tour

  • red light district (nothing crazy 🙊)

  • Rijksmuseum (we did this on a whim and was in and out pretty quickly)

  • Walking tour

  • Smoked weed from one of their coffeeshops

  • Albert Cuyp Market

Ate all the usual stuff

  • Stroopwafel

  • Fries—had way too many fries in this country

  • Cheese!!!! Had some amazing cheese while I was there

  • Indonesian! Was surprised to see so many Indonesian restaurants in the city. Karin later told me it’s because the Dutch had colonized Indonesia

I’m glad I went. Would not go out of my way to visit again but if I ended up there on a long layover I’d enjoy it.

Someone on the trip told me that Amsterdam was a city to relax in and that rang true. Perhaps a little too relaxing after the excitement of Edinburgh.

Prague

A few days into Amsterdam, Harry and I felt we’d be a little bored staying there a week so we booked a trip to Prague.

This was the classic European city experience we were looking for. Castles! Old beautiful bridges! Town squares! A river!

Some previously unknown facts of Prague

  • There are a ton of Koreans there! As far as I can tell it’s because a famous Korean drama (Lovers in Prague) ran back in the day and Koreans have been visiting the city ever since

  • Prague has great beer! We had their beloved Pilsner Urquell several times and even visited the museum

  • For some reason there are tons of Thai massages there. Not entirely sure why

  • Good meat and cheese

Overall, Prague was a beautiful, old European city. I’m glad I went. Will likely be some time before I visit again (if ever). Somewhat of a weird thought to know that you’ve visited a place for the last time but oh well.

Back to NY

Every time I travel I step away enough from my old life to re-examine what I want to do better and what I want going forward.

This trip was no different.

  1. I want to do work I enjoy (or at least feel engaged with).

    1. A number of experiences this trip reinforced this belief: reading Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow and seeing how the characters loved their work

    2. Watching Zach Zucker and Stamptown have so much fun on stage

    3. Conversely, I still don’t want to be a starving artist. For all the shit talking I do about my job sometimes, it’s truly amazing how many resources I have because of it and what I’m able to do with them. I guess the balancing act is maintaining a job that pays well while reminding yourself there’s a vast world beyond it. Spending the money on enriching experiences.

  2. I gotta get my shit together. Nothing fantastic in life happens by chance (or at least it’s very unlikely for me) and I want to be a person who can build a life I want instead of waiting for it to happen to me.

    1. There are so many distractions in this world. So easy to forget what you want out of life. So easy to let things go to a mediocre homeostasis.

    2. I wonder if in the past—pre internet—it was easier to stay focused on things

    3. Can’t blame everything on the internet though

From this interview with Zach Zucker—one of the funniest people I saw at Fringe Fest. He studied with a famous French clown (Philippe Gaulier) who also taught Sacha Baron Cohen

Spring

This one’s been in the drafts for a while. I’m currently at the 5th ave library hanging out with Tim. The last time I posted was in March. It is now June! Holy shit.

Life’s passed by in a blur per usual. But it’s been good.

It’s hard to think of all the things I’ve done since that time but here are some highlights:

  • Continued improv / musical improv. Just had my Level 3 class show for improv and did a “new faces” musical improv show at Brooklyn Comedy Collective.

    • Also did a musical show for Slutprov… The concept is for us to be slutty improvisers but I don’t think the concept played out very well 🥵

from the new faces show—I was the villain of this show

  • Did a long weekend trip to Virginia / DC to see the cherry blossoms

  • Did the 5 boro bike tour—a 40 mile bike race from Manhattan - Bronx - Queens - Brooklyn - Staten Island

  • Went on more dates—some flings, some failures, some fallouts, some new friends.

  • Been working a LOT—more than I’ve worked in the past. It was fun and novel at first but now I don’t enjoy it as much.

  • Been playing volleyball in a league. We’ve lost every game so far which is frustrating but I’m glad we’re playing at all

  • Started volunteering at church. Doing cleanup crew for kids ministry. I have mixed feelings on this. I’ve wanted to volunteer more for a while but never had a strong desire to do kids ministry. Feel like I kind of fell into this but I’ll try my best while I do it. Maybe it’ll be rewarding…

family time with Harry and Dove

I’m in a bit of a lull period right now. Improv classes have finished. That excitement in my life has faded a bit. I’m trying to figure out the next steps, next few months.

I’m playing around with a few ideas but I think it makes sense to double down on making music.

  • I’ve let this new album go on far too long. The discipline I need to create is not fully there

  • June is NY Music Month so there are a bunch of events, resources. I’m gonna ride that wave and have a tangible thing by the end of month. I hate delayed progress

    • I’ve taken advantage of this by booking out a music practice room every week for free in Astoria. I think the separation of life - work - music and having that space to create and practice will be good for me.

  • The main issue I have with making music is that it’s lonely. I wish I were in a band. I wish I had more music friends. Right now I only know two people actively making music—Frank and Wendy. Trying to catch up with Frank and Wendy is a new friendquaintance. My point here is that my music community is not that strong

  • Contrasting that with improv where collaboration is baked into the activity

Well—it’s only for the month.

After that I want to actually go on vacation. I’m tired of working. Kind of tired of being in the city. The past few weeks I’ve fantasized of drinking under a palm tree. If I can do that for a week away from everyone and everything I’ll come back stronger than ever.

spring in NY was absolutely beautiful and brutal for my allergies

That’s the recap thanks for reading friend.

The following is a draft I had back in April 25. I was feeling very high on life at this point. I’m currently riding the tail end of that high BUT I feel it fading BUT I’m sure I can get back to that feeling. The italicized comments are my current thoughts on this matter.

For a period after college I found myself looking back to 2016. That was the year everything clicked. I had a girlfriend, I was the fittest I’d been in years, I’d just declared my computer science major and spent hours chilling on campus listening to music and drinking coffee. I dove headfirst into acting. I had a circle of close friends. I was the happiest I’d been in my life. The golden year.

I made several attempts after that year to reach that emotional peak. I thought I could fine tune different parameters of my life to get there. But all attempts fizzled out until now.

It might be premature but I’m declaring this as my golden year part II.

I am very happy right now. I’m going back to my peak physical form. I’m healthy. I have a good group of friends in NY. I’m back into acting. Going on more dates. It feels like I’m firing on all cylinders.

I think this happiness is something that can be built. It’s not something that strikes like a bolt of lightning—it’s something you can achieve with a plan and consistency.

I also believe that this golden year will slip away. Disaster may strike or I might just become lazy and let everything drift away. For when that time comes I want to have a record of what I did to start feeling this way again.

Body

If your body isn’t right the chances of a golden year are slim. Here’s what I did

  • Workout 4x a week. Monday/Wednesday lift at the gym. Other days I either take a boxing / fitness class or I play volleyball.

    • I slipped a bit on this. Injured my wrist a couple weeks ago and stopped working out. Feel a little shittier than I did back then but I’m getting back into the swing of things

  • 10k Steps a day

  • Roughly track calories. For a few weeks I’d track religiously on My Fitness Pal to get a better understanding of how many calories were in each food. These days I kinda eyeball it. I aim for ~1900/2000 calories knowing I’ll burn roughly 500 with my walking/exercise. TDEE stuff

    • The lack of exercise led me to eating a bit unhealthy here. Along with having guests over—I always eat kind of unhealthy with Harry. Something about hanging out with him makes me loosen up. Maybe it’s because we ate so unhealthy as kids together—I might be reading into it too much.

  • Sleep. I installed an app (Opal) that blocks distracting apps during a time window (11:30pm to 11am). In the past I’d scroll IG, Youtube late into the night but now I don’t have that option. My sleep schedule is ~midnight to 830AM.

    • This has continued to be a game changer. My sleep’s much better since I installed this guardrail.

I’m trying to hit my weight goal of 160. I started at 174 and I’m at 168. I’m pretty happy with my progress so far.

I’ve fallen off the wagon in recent weeks with injury, not working out as much, and letting my diet slip—but I’m back on it again.

my achilles heel when it comes to the diet—these turtle chips are too addicting

I’m fully aware of how convenience has affected my success. I have a well stocked salad bar at work as well as a gym. In the past I’d have to exert energy to make healthy meals and trek over to the gym but now it’s almost automatic.

Mind

I think body accounts for most happiness. Mind is the extra stuff that makes life more enjoyable.

  • Stopped watching porn. At this point, who knows the exact science? Is it bad for you? Does it matter? All I know is that after I watch it, I feel kinda shitty. When I don’t watch it I feel better. It could all be placebo but I’ll do what feels good. Also motivates me to meet girls IRL.

  • Getting out of the house. During wfh there were days I’d barely leave the house. Getting a minimal amount of fresh air, sunlight. One of the best things I’ve done recently is start going to the office every day. Even if I don’t stay the entire day it’s good to have that routine and to get out of the house.

    • I continue to go to the office every day but I’m getting a little tired of it. Especially on Fridays when the office is nearly empty. I should really invite a friend or two to work with me on Fridays.

  • Improv. I’d wanted to get back into acting for the past few years.

  • Music. My routine is to get an hour in before work every day.

    • Slipped on this and started waking around 930/10. Going to get back into this for the upcoming week.

Soul

By soul I mean community. It’s not exactly 1:1 but mind/body/soul sounds catchier :)

  • Joined a church

  • Joined volleyball league

  • Started improv classes and got more involved in that community

That’s mostly everything.

I feel good. I know there’s more I can do / more that I’m capable of and I look forward to those days too. I’m reassured by the fact that doing good things for yourself leads to greater happiness. That happiness is not an ephemeral, uncontrollable thing—it’s a thing that can be earned.

Some things I look forward to

  • Being a better community maker. So far I’ve participated in communities but I also want to help build one

  • Hitting my peak physical form :)

  • Going on more dates and eventually falling in love <3

  • Finally finishing / releasing my next album

Despite setbacks I still feel good about things. I wonder if I’m a little burnt out by work. Work’s been increasingly stressful and that stress has affected other parts of my life too. But I think I’m getting used to the load.

I was oncall a couple weeks back and that destroyed me a bit. I hate that work can have such a large effect on life but what can you do 🤷🏻‍♂️

At least it’s just a temporary thing.

Socal Staycation / Musical Improv & Fitness & Work / NY & LA

Socal Staycation

I’m writing from the Barnes & Noble in Ventura. Back home in socal for the week. I’m trying to see family at least once a quarter. Took the week off to do a staycation and so far it’s been very fun/relaxing.

Got KBBQ at Gen with the fam on arrival. Went to a wine tasting in Ojai (great drive but would not go to Ojai Vineyard again). Played a ton of Deep Rock Galactic (more than 10 hours in the three days since I got it). And had a picture perfect day biking in Santa Barbara (the most beautiful Californian city IMO). The drive back coincided with the fog lifting after heavy rain and it felt like we were going through the jungle.

The week ahead is vast and mostly empty. Planning on what I’ll do each day. I thought I’d use this time to get some recording done for the upcoming album but I’ve been pretty lazy so far. Is this what retirement feels like? I’m so used to doing something. The empty schedule is a new and unsettling feeling. I guess a more evolved version of myself would happily accept this empty time but I’m not there yet. Too addicted to scrolling and filling every moment with novelty. Definitely something to work on (is scrolling our generation’s version of smoking cigarettes?) but I’m going on a tangent here.

It’s been a long time since I wrote on this blog. I’ve always been disappointed when I stumble on someone’s blog and they haven’t posted in years so I’m trying to avoid that here.

I once spoke to a friend who said that he never writes down his thoughts, never reflects on what’s going on around him. He just lives his life.

At that time I thought that was a crazy thing to say but now I understand it a bit more. I don’t think I’ll ever fully turn my brain off and stop processing life as it happens but there’s comfort in doing that from time to time. To live that way is to live fully in the present. There’s no reflection of the past. No planning for the future. Just pure present. Maybe that’s a bit of a stretch but the idea holds.

Musical Improv / Fitness / Work

In the past month since I last wrote I’ve been focused mostly on wrapping up musical improv, getting fitter, and work.

Musical improv went great. I was far more nervous about this show than shows past. The practice schedule was tiresome (three hours of practice after a long day in office) and I felt like I never had the energy to do as well as I could have. But the show went great!

I’m absolutely glad I tried it and I’m absolutely glad it’s over. There’s a second class in the Fall and I’m debating whether I’ll take it or not.

I’ve been slowly but surely hitting my fitness goals as well. The biggest change is I started tracking calories again. It’s a light pain in the ass but I love being able to eat without too many restrictions. Just budget out and account for bigger, unhealthier moments by eating healthier early in the day.

The family was surprised by how much fitter I looked so I’m glad the plan is working so far.

I continue to workout 3-4 times a week. Trying to push the weights more instead of taking it easy on lift days. Also trying to improve conditioning by going boxing.

Work’s going well. It’s never a big focus for me but I can’t deny it’s a huge part of life. I’m grateful that it’s not too difficult, I get to work with good people and I make a great salary off it. I feel more or less adjusted to the new team and aligned with what we have to do. We have a tight deadline but I’m glad there’s a goal in place.

Other Memorable Events

  • Wagyu KBBQ at Hyun with Will and Kelvin

    • A5 Wagyu all you can eat. Fasted the entire day before besides a single carne asada taco. Pretty pricy at ~250 but they served up one of the best naengmyeon I’ve had in my life

    • Would go again for a special occasion. This time around we went to celebrate Kelvin’s bday.

  • Joe Hisaishi Candelight concert with Will, Kelvin and Millie

    • Not something I’d normally do but it was cool.

    • Some beaaaautiful melodies

  • A couple bday parties

    • David, Mehak, William, Kelvin

    • At David and Mehak’s parties I went alone and did not know a single person. Had a lot of fun though. I think improv has made me more sociable and I usually have something witty or clever to say even in a group of strangers.

  • Northeast road trip with Harry

    • Went to Boston and Portland, Maine.

      • Boston was fun. We went to a ramen shop called Yume Wo Katare. The soup was souperb. Warm, filling, lightly acidic, fatty—everything you’d want on a cold Boston night. The wait was long but perhaps worth it. At the end everyone announced to the restaurant what their dream was. I said something embarrassing—”to win an Oscar.” My original dream was to “fall in love” but someone said that right before me and I didn’t want to copycat. I thought dreams should be lofty so I went with that but I wish I’d picked something closer to what I currently want.

    • Rode a boat in Portland. Besides that I wasn’t too impressed. Nearly every restaurant we went to in the downtown area had an hour + wait.

      • The whoopie pies we got here were absolutely delicious though

      • Lobster rolls were good too but nothing I’d go out of my way for

    • The car rental agency upgraded us to a red convertible Mustang so we rode around in style (with the top down in <50 degree weather)

had this at Gilbert’s Chowder House but I preferred the one at Bite Into Maine

  • Caught up with Will T, Ray and Ben at Jon & Vinny’s Slauson.

    • I hadn’t seen Will since 2021. So glad I got to catch up with him. I’d last seen Ray on our trip to Budapest together. Had a lot of fun. Great to reconnect with old college friends.

    • Ray has officially moved to LA.

    • Jon & Vinny’s was delicious. I don’t know if it was the neighborhood but the clientele was very racially diverse. Lots more Asian people than I expected. Also might be an LA thing but everyone seemed well dressed and fit.

    • One odd thing—they served a soft serve ice cream at $8.50. The soft serve was one of the smallest cups I’d eaten in my life. As I dug into it I wondered if this is why everyone in LA is so attractive. The portions are so minuscule it’s hard to gain weight.

NY / LA

I’ve been in NY for the past four years. I left SF to live in a place with more diversity and be able to focus on doing more art related things (music, acting).

My first year was stressful and focused mostly on work. I had a terrible boss and felt completely, constantly stressed.

My second year was impacted by the pandemic.

My third year I wanted to digital nomad and spent my time across NY, CA and some random locations in between.

Only in my fourth year have I felt settled in and invested in those original goals I had when I moved.

Pandemic aside, that’s a long time to get around to doing something. I’m glad I got there though. This past year of doing choir, improv, musical improv have felt enriching and well worth the time/effort.

During the pandemic 2021-23 there was a wave of people moving from the bay (lots of Berkeley people) to NY. During this time many of my existing friends in NY also left the city.

Every time I come back to Socal I wonder what my life would be like here. I think I’d be pretty happy here. Spending time with the family—being able to see them multiple times a month instead of once a quarter would be amazing. Dating more—still a focus now too tbh. Continuing to do music, acting stuff. Exploring a new city. Hopefully digging in and settling down for an extended period of time (I’d love to have a home base and do a week or two remote in random cities every quarter).

LA also has a much healthier lifestyle than NY. I can’t handle the late nights, the heavy drinking. I’m also getting a little tired of the crowds.

If / when I end up moving here I hope I don’t take toooooo long to get around to the things I set out to do.

NYC Winter 2023

Life has been good. The first few weeks of the year were filled with uncertainty—getting back to wintery NY, joining a new musical improv class, starting a new team at work, dating someone new—but the dust has settled and I feel I’ve reached homeostasis.

Winter is not as cold (literally and metaphorically) as I expected, I am coming into my own at musical improv (or at least trying my absolute best), work has settled down, and we are no longer dating.

I am content.

I’ve continued going to boxing. My endurance is improving and I feel stronger day by day. I’ve started going to church more often.

My friendships are good. In the past I may have erred in not being fully present with other people but lately I’m trying to be as present as possible.

I could be better in my sleep habits. I could be more consistent in producing music and finally finsih my next project. I miss my family.

But besides that I have no real complaints.

For the first time in a while every week feels like an iteration where I have the opportunity to do/be better. In other words, life does not seem stagnant.

Memorable Moments Since I Last Wrote

There’s a lot to catch up on.

  • Went to Atoboy with Will and Kelvin. One of the best meals I’ve had in recent memory. A fresh, updated spin on modern Korean food. Their soju cocktail was one of the best alcoholic drinks I’ve had in a while

  • Went to Cote with Kristy, Tim and Linda. I’d been wanting to go for a while and it was worth the wait. Meat was pretty good but the sides pushed the meal over the edge. Unlimited refills on kimchijigae and other sides made the meal very filling. The soft serve ice cream with sweet soy sauce syrup at the end was memorable as well

  • Hung out a lot with Aastha. Various restaurants, exploring new parts of Queens. We also watched Immortal Jellyfish Girl—a puppet show set in a dystopian future. Pretty fresh, creative.

  • Lots and lots of improv. Watching it, participating. As someone who—in recent years—has become far too reflective and analytic, improv has been a great counterweight to all that overthinking. You either act in the moment or lose it forever.

  • Apollo visited and we watched Kimberly Akimbo, a musical about a high schooler who has an advanced aging disease that makes her look like a grandma. First half was delightful. Second half was ok. The story was creative, interesting. Also had All'Antico Vinaio an Italian sandwich spot I’d had on my list for weeks. Pretty delicious. Expensive but big portions.

not the best photo but it was delicious

  • Went out with Will’s friends and played 1000 Boxes. Very fun live action Jackbox like game show. Went on a pizza tour afterwards.

Most of my updates are food related huh. The people matter too. Would not have eaten as much food if it weren’t for the people.

Winter 2023 Schedule / Daily Rituals

Old post I had in my drafts that I’m just publishing now:

Winter 2023 Schedule

Here’s another schedule post because I love reading back to past entries detailing my schedule.

On an ideal day

  • 8:30am - out of bed and taking a twenty minute roundtrip walk where I clear my head and prep for a session of writing / producing music

  • 9-10:30am - back at the apartment either writing at my piano or producing at my desk

  • 10:30am - 6/7pm - work

  • 11pm - wind down and prep for sleep

Variances to that schedule

  • Monday - Boxing @ 7:15pm

    • One of the best decisions I made this month. With each punch I feel closer to my peak physical form

  • Tuesday - Work from the office and Musical Improv from 7pm - 10pm

    • Holy shit this schedule can be hard. Being in office the entire day and class afterwards can be a big drain on energy. Since starting boxing on Mondays I feel more energetic though

  • Saturday - Boxing @ 10:15am

Still rounding out my weekly schedule but I may start playing trivia with some friends on Wednesday if that becomes a regular thing.

Daily Rituals

I’ve been reading Daily Rituals by Mason Currey where the author profiles different historical figures and how they structured their schedules. An interesting read where some patterns arise

  • A lot of people had concentrated periods of focused work. Instead of working long hours they’d focus on getting their creative efforts out in 2-3 hours

  • A lot of writers would track their word count. Trying to hit n words per session.

    • I wonder how songwriters would track their productivity

  • A lot of angst/doubt. A surprising number of the greats working with insecurity and forcing their way through that.

  • Some weird successful people. So far in the book two different very successful writers could only write in a horizontal position.

Here are some random highlights so far:

Youthz

youthz

Writing on a post workout high.

Just went to the boxing class at Aneva and exerted my body in ways I haven’t in years.

It made me feel young again. The realization that although I’d been a lazy piece of shit in recent years, the sands of youth were still in the upper half of the hourglass and I still had time to move as a young man.

WHAT A FEELING!

Every week it feels like I forget more and more how bright and exciting the world used to be. Days like these make me realize that I am a fool if I let that feeling go too early.

Quick recap of the week

  • Work’s lowkey kicking my ass. New year, new team and I lost some hard earned context. In the process of rebuilding that context which is painful.

    • I really need to figure out my work schedule. Played around with booking wework on days that I don’t go to the office. Went today and I was still super distracted.

    • Is it just that it was the Monday blues or is it more of a fundamental schedule thing? I’d guess that it’s more of a schedule thing

  • Speaking of schedules—I am intrigued with how people spend their time. Started reading Daily Rituals by Mason Currey where the author examines the day to day life of historical figures. Interesting so far.

    • An interesting figure so far—Francis Bacon. Would wake up at the first light and work for hours until around noon. Immediately after he’d start drinking and start a long night of partying with friends. He’d try to stretch out the night to avoid his sleep issues (he had insomnia and would take pills to fall asleep).

      • “I often like working with a hangover because my mind is crackling with energy and I can think very clearly”—wtf

  • On a desperately free Saturday afternoon I went to the 5th ave library to get a sick new Spider Man library card.

  • Went on a few dates! Had a lot of fun. We had dinner at Nepali Bhanchha Ghar where I had Nepalese food for perhaps the second time in my life. I entered that date on Friday considerably stressed from the long work week before but two hours went by so quickly and I felt lifted afterwards—that’s a great sign, right? Stopped by Patel Brothers in Jackson Heights afterwards to pick up some snacks. I got a delicious haul. This one in particular was wickedly addictive and I’ve almost finished the bag in a span of a couple days. Tangy, crispy fried potato sticks with little surprises of raisins sprinkled through—texturally balanced by the cashews and almonds spread in the mix too.

  • Went to church again with Millie! I think I’ll go consistently. I like singing the songs and letting the message wash over me as I drift in and out of focus. The pastor’s funny too. I think he’s Korean.

Discomfort (NYC)

Discomfort (NYC)

Gonna make this reaaaal quick because I’m in a bit of a rush to leave the house.

I am fully BACK in NYC. The trials, tribulations and potential glory of living in this city.

The grind baby. The GRIND.

Tough transition but I feel good. I have already gotten my ass kicked since coming back but I am ready to get up again.

I’ve run my mouth around friends about moving back to LA. Someone asked me recently what criteria I looked for in the place I live. I responded that I wanted to be in a place where I could grow the most.

In this exact moment I think that place is NYC not LA.

It’s high stakes here. The highest highs, the lowest lows. Someday this city may burn me out but until that day comes I want to be the kind of person that can weather the storm and chase after my stupid lil dreams.

Only after I feel like I’ve thrown every morsel of myself into this insatiable dream—when all my resources are exhausted and the only recourse left is D E S P A I R—can I allow myself to admit defeat and run away.

I will try my best so that day never comes.

I’ve lived so much of my life in comfort. Comfortable school. Comfortable college. Comfortable job.

Nothing wrong with comfort. But most growth comes by discomfort and pain. The forest grows back stronger after a brush fire.

NYC is a place of discomfort. As I am wont to do I try my very best to avoid discomfort when I should attempt to do the opposite.

I will only grow in this place if I make it easier to do the uncomfortable.

In the last week:

  • Had a great time at Gomo’s house in Palisades Park. Home away from home. Nice to have family in the area. Had a pleasantly suburban weekend there. Went to the American Dream mall—biggest, most opulent mall I’ve been to in America—and wandered the shops.

  • Started my musical improv class. As I suspected, the combination of acting and singing was pretty fun. This is my third improv class so far. The beginning is always uncomfortable and fun. Sizing up everyone else in the class. Seeing how you compare and figuring out how you can stand out.

    • I’ve wondered a few times if I’m too competitive here. Maybe it’s better to compete with myself vs externally. But each scene consists of 7-8 people and there are only 3-5 opportunities to sing a solo part. I don’t wanna be stuck in just the chorus. My background dance skills are shit anyways.

A Nu Start / A Time and Place / California Winter

Currently writing from the Long Island City WeWork.

The floor is mostly empty. There’s a girl sitting across the floor from me. Asian, wearing Bose headphones.

For the past minute she’s been picking her nose. Aggressively. Like a miner digging for gold.

I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone pick their nose so aggressively in public.

Every now and then she glances around (I’ve been spacing and out only occasionally looking in her direction) and lowers her hand below the table. Once her hand is under she brushes the booger off her fingers… Absolute pro.

A NU START

I’m back in NYC after three weeks(!) in California.

It feels like a new chapter

  • I’m on a new team at work. I’ve never been an overly career-oriented person but I want to hit the ground running and not get too lost

  • The activities I did last year have ended. I’m a little concerned I won’t have enough to do during the week and get bored. On the other hand I have nothing I particularly want to do besides going to more open mics and trying to finish my next album.

    • I have one more class of jazz piano.

    • No more improv II

    • Starting musical improv soon

I can’t place exactly why I feel this but it feels like a transitory time. I think Aastha (very into horoscopes) mentioned something similar.

I don’t have a big plan in place but I want to stay on track and not lose myself. I am somewhat concerned that transitioning back to NY life I might fall back into habits I don’t want (e.g. bingeing on TV, staying up way too late, eating shitty) but I have a plan for that.

Life Report Card

I finally finished Atomic Habits and in a spurt of motivation decided to revamp my life. The following is a work in progress project to help me do that.

Some intermeshed ideas

  1. My current life philosophy is that it’s every person’s God given mandate to reach their fullest potential.

    • It’s not the best answer to life but it’s working for me currently

    • I’ve regretted wasting so much time wasting my potential. This is the year it stops

  2. If I choose the right habits I can reach my fullest potential

  3. Spurts of motivation don’t last forever. I need a system to track this consistently. Preferably automated so there’s as little human input as necessary.

Objective
Build a report card and automation that helps me stay on top of my habits and not forget.

Previous Works
I’ve tried similar efforts in the past (e.g. wydbot) but they waned over time. Likely because these past projects required manual input. Unless it’s automated you will forget.

How it works
Again note this is a WIP. More changes coming.

I rely on Habitify to track habits. Working on automating the habit tracking but I also require some manual input here.

I set up a group with Harry so every time either of us accomplish a habit we get an automated message with

  1. how much progress we’ve made overall

  2. how much money we’ve earned. We’re able to earn up to $25 a week. So if we hit 100% of our habits for the week we’d get 25%.

    1. At the end of each week whoever’s earned less pays the other the remainder

Each week we also get a report card sent to our emails that’ll tell us how we did for the current week (and past weeks). A good visualizer for how on track you are for each habit over the year.

sample report card

How I built it
Not going into the deep specifics but I built this using

  • Lambda

  • Habitify API,

  • Airtable

    • using it as the database

  • Pandas

    • used to generate report card

Why it works
Time will tell if this system actually works. Here are the reasons why I think it will

  • Social pressure to succeed

    • Since I’m competing against my brother I don’t want to give up too much money

    • Also being alongside someone who’s trying to succeed is a motivator

  • Automations make it seamless

    • If I rely on manual willpower to track everything I’ll forget over time

  • The pride of improvement

    • By EoY I wanna see row after row of A’s. Just like my school days a reminder of how well I’m doing and what I should be striving for

    • I’ve lamented the loss of structure post graduation. The first few years after college was a process of getting lost and trying to find structure. A tool like this should help.

A Time and Place

More self improvement thoughts…

Got a Wework membership. I love my apt but I hate doing everything in this studio apartment.

There has to be a time and place for everything.

I also rearranged my apartment so I have dedicated places for every activity. I used to do everything on my sofa. Eat, work, watch tv, etc.

But now I just relax there.

Desk is for work. Put my piano on a stand next to the closet to have a music zone.

Feels pretty good.

California Winter

Forgot to write about my winter break so here’s a recap:

  • The family’s original plans to meet up in Oregon for break were cancelled because of the winter storm. Ended up staying with Gomo’s house in Jersey. Got to hang with the cousins and even went out to a pocha with Dove and her friends on Christmas.

  • Got to California the day after Christmas. Did a family road trip

this mf never misses a chance to flick me off

  • Ended up in San Diego. A big highlight in San Diego was getting one of the best california burritos of my life at Colima's Mexican Food

@ Hotel del Coronado

  • On the way back to Oxnard we swung by Garden Grove. Was astounded by how Vietnamese this city was. Never seen a thing like this in America before.

  • Saw old friends. Caught up with Yang, Glo and ToAnnie. Yang and Glo are pretty much the same. Tony and Annie bought a new place in LA and live there with their dog. Domestic bliss.

  • Had several dinner guests over this time around. Minh (dad’s coworker) came by to celebrate the Christmas season since his family was across the country. Mom’s friends came over for dinner which was interesting because they’d grown up in America and spoke better English than Korean.

Overall had a super comfortable time in California. Loved being home with family. If LA had better public transit I’d move in a heartbeat.

2022 Recap

I’m late for my End of Year Reflections!

Due to being at home with family, a crippling new addiction to Dead Cells, and a rekindled desire/habit of producing music again, I’ve put off my EoY reflections but the time has come.

Recap 2022

Here’s a recap of how my last year went

  • Oxnard

    • I started off the year in Oxnard. At the beginning of the year I debated whether to return to New York or buckle down in Oxnard. In the end I buckled down and finished the four songs I had planned on releasing.

    • During this time Andrew also came to visit and we explored LA and went shopping at the Camarillo outlets

    • In addition to producing music I spent the rest of my time cooking learning new recipes.

  • Portland / Seattle

    • Before I made my way back to NY I decided to explore the PNW. I flew into Portland for the first time and explored the city with Andrew while we WFH. Visited Seattle in the same trip

    • I’m glad I explored a new American city. I often overlook how much there is to explore in my own country

  • NYC

    • After bumming around a home a few more days I decided to go back to NY. I felt restless. I also felt stagnant and I wanted to live alone again and focus on producing more music (that didn’t happen 🥲)

    • This time was an adjustment period. I lived in an old roachy Airbnb in Bed Stuy and spent a lot of time escaping by going to the office.

    • I hit up old friends and started playing volleyball again.

    • Juwon also visited from Korea

  • DC to Mexico City

    • Visited Harry in DC with Juwon.

    • Immediately after I flew out to Mexico City to explore with Andrew and Apollo.

      • Mexico City was one of the best new cities I visited in the past few years. Would absolutely go again

  • Queens

    • On coming back to the city I finally got a sublet in LIC.

      • I thought it’d be beneficial for my social life and I’d end up hosting more often but that didn’t happen. My place was far too small.

      • A huge motivation here was to establish a home base and start building a life again (instead of floating around in random Airbnbs). That was a good move on my part and I’m glad I did it. I don’t think I’m cut out for the nomad floater lifestyle. I want to feel more grounded

    • That first few weeks back felt pretty mundane. I think I slumped into a rut and started dreaming of an escape.

    • During this time I also joined a choir. I wanted to meet more people and get better at singing.

      • The end of choir was an inflection point for me. I felt so disappointed and regretful about not trying my best here. I flopped like a fish and wished I could have done better.

    • This period was a low point during the year. I kept looking for an escape and debated moving to London for a fresh start.

      • In the end I decided this was probably just an escape. Instead of wishing for a new life elsewhere I resolved to improve my life in NY—absolutely the right move in hindsight.

  • Korea

    • Korea came at the perfect time. Time with family was exactly what I needed after feeling lonely and lost in NY.

  • New York

    • I did a lot and thought a lot in Korea. I came back to NY in the height of summer feeling like a new man.

    • I resolved to do two things

      • Not leave my life to chance—stop floating around hoping for a good life to happen to me

      • Push myself to try my best in every situation

        • The thought that every moment was fleeting. If I didn’t try my best in the present I’d only regret it when the moment passed

    • In a burst of motivation I joined a bunch of activities

      • took a sewing class

        • I learned how to sew but it was a bust because I didn’t really enjoy the act of sewing. I joined because I wanted to meet more girls but I left with a pair of unfinished pants instead

      • started an improv class

      • started learning jazz piano

    • I’m glad I did all these things. Things I’d wanted to do for a while that I’d put off by fear or lack of motivation

      • Probably the most fruitful thing I’d done in years.

  • Work

    • I don’t like focusing on work too much but it’s worth mentioning. About halfway through the year my old favorite boss left the company and the team collapsed in the wake of her departure.

    • I didn’t think it’d matter too much and chugged along per usual but my morale fell over time.

    • Only recently did I decide to make a change and switch teams. I wish I’d done that earlier.

    • I’ve habitually under estimated how important work life is to my happiness so this is a blind spot for me.

  • Budapest / London

    • Met up with Ray in Budapest. Unexpectedly great trip.

    • It was fun exploring a new city and though I hadn’t traveled with Ray before that was pretty fun too. Budapest was such a beautiful and relatively cheap country. Wouldn’t go again in a while (felt like I did most of what I wanted to do) but I’m so glad I went

    • Met up with other old friends in London

      • Hanging out with Sherry was super fun per usual

      • Got to see Rupert for a quick lunch

      • Hung out with Mimi too

    • London was great but I probably won’t go again for a while (or at least stay fewer days next time).

  • New York

    • Continued jazz piano and improv. Nothing too eventful during this period. Just chugging along

    • Chai and Kristy visited. First time seeing Kristy since pre pandemic.

  • DC

  • New York / Oxnard / Holidays

2022 Misses

I wrote some thoughts on what I wanted out of 2022.

Not a lengthy list.

  • Release music (5 songs)

  • Lose weight (hit 160 pounds)

First, I wish I’d been more concrete about what I wanted beyond just weight and music.

Second, I didn’t hit these goals :(

I released 4 songs.

I didn’t hit 160 (I think my lowest was 170).

Music wise—I never got into the rhythm of making music living alone. I found it best to focus while I was at home in Oxnard. I think the best thing this year would be to set deadlines for myself.

Weight wise—I ate a ton of junk food this year. Got especially drunk over the summer. The biggest issue is figuring out my diet. Something that works for me. Lately I’ve been doing Intermittent Fasting. Hoping that this, along with working out consistently, will help.

This year I got a trainer and I feel more confident about my workout regiment.

2022 Takeaways

Takeaways from this year

  • Timeline everything.

    • If you want to finish anything you have to set deadlines/timelines for yourself. I’m only able to finish making songs when I have a timeline in mind.

  • Don’t wait for life to happen. Make your own moves

    • I had some great moments this year and they were only possible because I took initiative. Nothing great happened to me by chance.

  • If you fear something it’s probably worth confronting

    • Some of the best things I did this year were things I’d somewhat dreaded before.

    • When I actually confronted / did these things I felt like I’d wasted so much time hesitating

  • Happiness is logistics

    • A lot of my happiness was driven by habits / planning. A portion of this year felt pretty dumpy but things improved a lot when I made some logistical changes

      • e.g. getting out the house / seeing someone socially at least once a day

    • I guess this one’s kind of obvious but it’s important to remember. Happiness is not an ethereal, ungraspable thing. It’s something that you can plan for

What’s Next

  • Consolidate

    • Last year was a year of exploration. This year I want to build something more concrete. I want to feel like I’m building towards something. Instead of just messing around randomly, planning for something greater.

      • E.g. I’m doing improv but what’s it going towards?

      • Explore vs exploit if I want to CS it.

  • Compete

    • I grew the most during periods where I competed with others in things I cared about.

      • e.g. acting classes in Berkeley, improv this past year

    • The chance to learn from and beat others is important.

    • I want to seek ways to compete more this year. As an adult the biggest competition grounds is work but there aren’t many opportunities beyond that.

Other concrete goals

  • Finish my second album (I have a list of 4 songs I want to finish)

  • Get promoted at work

  • Date more seriously. I know it’s vague but I don’t want to force anything.

    • Better phrased—date more deliberately. Have a plan instead of waiting for the right person to come along.

  • Figure out where I want to live long term.

    • A general thought lately—I’m enjoying living in NY but it doesn’t feel like I’m building towards anything. Maybe it’s because I’m renting and moving year after year. I want to decide where I’ll build my life for the next 3-5 years.

Lower priority goals

  • Style myself better

    • I want to dress better and groom myself better.

  • Audition

    • I’ve had a nebulous goal of auditioning for roles that I never did. Still a lot of unknowns but I want to give it a try or just stop daydreaming about it.

Birfday / Improv II

Hello.

It’s been an eventful week.

birfday

It was my birthday this past week. I am now 28. I may have feared 30 in the past but I do not care anymore. Perhaps I will care once 29 rears its head.

This was a good year.

Especially this past year I went from being unhappy to pretty satisfied. Some thoughts as to why

  • I started taking more risks in a good way. Earlier this year there were definitely things/people I wanted that I avoided because of fear. I’d make up some bullshit excuse or pretend I didn’t want it in the first place. My achilles heel is feigned apathy. But I worked through that this year and feel good.

  • Settled down. I remember contemplating being a nomad earlier this year. I bounced around from Airbnb to Airbnb and didn’t have a base until maybe mid year. How do you build a life if you’re jumping around all over the place?

  • Friends. At this point I feel like I have a solid group of friends in NY. People I trust a lot and enjoy hanging out with. Feels like a solid life line in this cold city

  • Family is a given

Now that I’m solidly in my late 20s I want to build more. College is where you expose yourself to the ideas of the world. Early/mid twenties are when you venture into the world and adjust to COLD HARD REALITY. Late twenties are when you solidify what you want out of life and start executing.

I will admit that I don’t have a very very very solid vision of what I want out of life but I know generally where I want to go/what I want to do so I’ll keep doing that with courage and gusto.

Some potential blind spots going forward

  • APATHY.

  • Bad habits. I want to

    • Cut down on drinking.

    • Live healthier.

    • Sleep consistently.

    • Avoid digital bingeing.

Anyways birthday night was fun. We got hotpot at 99 Favor Taste. This was the very first hotpot place I went to in NYC all the way back in 2019. I’m pretty sure I went with Kristy and Nora back then.

Decided to mix and mingle all the different pockets of friends. I’ve slowly but surely integrated different pockets of friends which each other but there were still a number of people who were strangers with each other.

If I’m perfectly honest dinner felt a little awkward. I think it’s because some friends were strangers to each other or perhaps because—as I feared—some friends simply don’t click. Oil and water…

But afterwards we went to Radio Star Karaoke—my favorite karaoke place in NY and perhaps the world?!?!?—got drunk and had a pretty fun time.

We ended the night by singing Fun’s We are Young and I think I still feel pretty young tbh. Feel good. Feel fresh. Feel energetic.

Improv II

Had my second improv show!

Went well overall. Doing musical improv next. Having a lot of fun but I’m not sure what the end goal is here. Is it to audition for a house team and do weekly shows? Is it to update my acting resume and start auditioning for roles? Is it to meet other actor/artists and make stuff with them? Not sure yet…

But I think it’s good for me. Helps me bias for action instead of thinking too much.

In Other News

  • had the office holiday party. ran out of food in the middle. I appreciate the effort but wow are budget cuts tight this year…

    • went to K Town Pocha with the team afterwards.

  • went to Gomo’s house. First time back to the house since last Thanksgiving! Crazy long. We had a delicious dinner of korean bbq pork, ganjang gaejang and lil korean pancakes. The following day I got JjamJja at Hong Banjang… best jajangmyun I’ve had in a while.

  • nothing else I can remember.

First Snow / Energy

First Snow

Writing from the Paris Baguette in LIC. After a few hours of playing Spelunky 2 with Harry I felt like I had to get out of the house. This is the first time I’m chilling at a cafe after work hours. I am the only customer here (besides a homeless man who left earlier).

I’ve been pretty out of it all day. Woke up pretty late. Felt very unfocused during work.

I had a great night last night. Met up with Will, Aastha and Millie at Katsu Hama. Walked through miserable, cold rain to get to the restaurant. Ordered a hearty, delicious bowl of katsu curry and had a pretty fun conversation with everyone.

I’ve known Will for years, Millie for almost a year and Aastha for a few months. This was the first time just the four of us had hung out together. But it felt pretty natural.

After dinner we walked over to the giant Christmas tree at Rockefeller Center. Saw the new storefront displays, watched some people ice skating, and took multiple photos together (Millie scolded me many times for messing up my poses). We ended up at the Apple Store near Central Park (open 24 hours!) and messed around for a bit before trudging home. Last night happened to be the first snow of the winter which was pretty cool.

Juxtaposing that with today—cold/groggy in the morning, slightly lonely, with a pile of undone tasks ahead of me—I think I was just out of it.

Oh well.

Energy

Besides today, I felt pretty energetic this past week.

I think it’s a combination of

  • intermittent fasting

    • Eating from 12-8. I’ve fasted/dieted before and it reminds me of how much I usually ingest when I’m not being mindful. Crazy how that can be the norm.

    • I feel pretty good about this diet and can stick with it for an extended period.

  • drinking coffee later in the day (around 11 or 12)

    • May be complete placebo effect/psuedoscience but I saw an IG reel of a neurologist explaining that delaying caffeine intake allows your sleep hormone receptors to bind with the sleep hormones completely so the caffeine gives you straight energy

    • ^^ pretty sure I butchered the explanation but I definitely felt more energetic

  • sleeping with nasal strips

    • makes me feel a little old having to use them but they feel like a godsend. I can actually breathe out of my nostrils and it feels like night and day

    • I’ve been sleeping better and waking up less often.

Other schedule changes:

  • I got into a good cadence of practicing piano in the mornings and writing music in the evenings when I got home (10-11:30 PM and sleeping around 1).

I’m still fine tuning my schedule but it feels good overall.

Going forward I’ll probably start going to the office Mondays (to avoid feeling home alone after a packed weekend).

Also would like to carve out more dedicated time to exercise. I’m still going at least twice a week and doing my trainer-prescribed workout routine but I’ve been slipping a bit on other days.

Between planning my birthday, planning my team switch, and coordinating things to do, I felt pretty busy this week.

Some notable events

  • Went to trivia for the first time with Kelvin, Will and Kinjal! Not usually a fan of trivia but this one felt pretty fun. We placed 7th out of 9 teams but I was pleasantly surprised by how much we knew. Kelvin had most of the sports knowledge, Kinjal had some reality TV knowledge, Will seemed to have a random assortment of facts in his brain (several Slumdog Millionaire like moments where he answered questions no one expected him to answer) and I had some music/TV knowledge.

  • Went to the Asian ERG holiday event at Baodega. The food was ok. Met a few new people and hung out with some of my new teammates (as well as my old teammates)

  • Got dinner with Will, Kelvin, Nainaka, and Kaagni at Piggyback. Delicious food. Honey butter chicken was a standout. I think we also ordered lamb which was super tender and well seasoned.

  • Went to a Burlesque show at The Slipper Room. Imagine a strip club where the strippers also put on a talent show. Pay $25 to get in and you can stay for as many shows as you like. The performances were creative and the performers were extremely talented.

    • One woman in the show was the US Pole Dancing champion and she had amazing moves.

    • Another woman was a performance artist who incorporated interesting props into her act. A nuanced performance full of emotion and symbolism.

    • There was a dude doing yo yo tricks. Literally just on stage performing yo yo tricks wearing a very deep V neck. He didn’t get that many tips lol

At this point in the night (2AM) I was pretty out of it. The performance artist was on stage with this umbrella veil doing an emotional dance. Felt pretty trippy

  • Watched the Nutcracker! There’s a scene where some children are fighting mice. Beautiful dreamlike sequence. The second act was too long for me. I need more of a narrative. Can’t handle just pure dancing without a story.

  • Met up with Tiffany (new friend of a friend I made recently). Got coffee, walked from Astoria to LIC and got lunch at Murray’s Cheese Bar.

To Do or Not To Do

This one will be a quickie. Got back to NY last Wednesday and spent the next few days in a sleepy, lonely state. Did nothing but watch TV, play Nintendo, and lament at being back in this lonely, cold city.

But I have emerged from that sad sack cocoon and feel back to normal. Back on the sleep schedule, back to the office, back to the regular routine.

To Do or Not To Do

Side note—how do you get better at making life decisions? It’s been a while since I had to make a large life decision but I very recently today had to pull the trigger on something (whether or not I want to switch teams at work).

After several back and forths I landed on yes.

I think the key for me is:

  • Do the proper due diligence

  • Don’t let fear of change keep me in place

That’s about it. When in doubt, just do the due diligence and pull the trigger if things feel right. I want to be the kind of person that can place bets on my future and deal with the consequences instead of waiting until it’s too late.

Lately I’ve been someone who comes up with reasons not to do something. A somewhat recent example is being in Mexico City and debating whether to go on a date my last night there.

I demurred. It’s late. My flight’s early in the morning. It’s probably better to sleep earlier and wake up in time for the flight.

But a little later Justin texted and I asked him for advice and he convinced me to just go for it. I went and had a great time.

None of my potential worries ended up being real issues.

I do this way too often and I want to change it. I wonder if the whole yes and philosophy of improv is rubbing off on me.

TLDR: I am risk averse and probably shouldn’t worry as much.

In the not too long time span since I’ve been back I did the following

  • Proud of myself for making it out to improv my first day back. Debated whether to go but finally landed on yes. Was sleepy af but I held it together and did a decent scene after all

  • Went to an open mic with Raj and Navdeep. With this too(!) I debated a bit whether to go or not. Would I be ready in time? Would my lyrics hit? But I pulled the trigger anyways. I somewhat bombed (forgot the lyrics midway and tried to freestyle my way out of it) BUT I am so glad I went.

    • Will try to go to one open mic per night

I want to be a TRY HARD. No waiting. No debating. Just declaring I want something and going for it.

Though I doubt many of my moves, one day I will live life like a fish swims through water. No resistance. No second guessing. Just free ~~~~ f l o w ~~~~.

In other news

  • Got Ethiopian with Will and Kelvin (aka Wellvin) at Haile. Delicious food—the Doro Wot and the Lamb (I think that’s what it was) were stand outs. We got the tartare but I’d skip that next time. The spices got to me and I ended up on the toilet afterwards BUT I’m glad I went

  • Played around with open gpt and it’s really cool. I’ve had writers block with some songs so it’d be cool to fill in the gaps with this.

  • Coworked with Aastha at Elevenses. We didn’t work much but it was fun catching up.

  • Checked out a new cafe in LIC called Knock Knock. Good coffee, great aesthetics, a bathroom, wifi AND outlets!

Fasting / Thanksgiving Week

For the last twenty minutes I’ve been sipping coffee in the backyard with my feet propped up against the fireplace staring at the blue sky and zoning out.

I feel a lightness in my shoulders and it feels good.

I’ve felt pretty happy being home with the family the past few days. Daydreaming of what life would look like if I moved back. I don’t see that happening anytime soon but I can’t help but feel a little torn. A blissful life with family in California vs an exciting life with a good group of friends in NY.

If only there were a way to combine the two!! To migrate my family to the east coast or start over in LA.

The thought of starting over in LA reminds me of how much I invested in living in NY. For a time I felt lost. A number of my friends had left the city. I wasn’t doing much. I wondered why I was spending so much time and money staying in this place.

I debated whether I’d stay in NY or just nomad around but I’m glad I decided to stick through it.

If I were to start over in LA I think I have a decent playbook.

  • Join some activities. I cycled through a number of them (volleyball, choir, sewing, improv, group piano classes) before i found the right fit. I’m sure I’ll iterate further

  • Be very proactive about reaching out to people. Friendships are like fire in that they initially require a steady flow of oxygen to thrive. Once you put in that initial breathwork things should spark naturally. There’s a natural resistance to taking that initiative but most people want to be included and thought of and reached out to.

  • Ideally go to the office a subset of the week. Having that anchor in place was much more important than I realized

Something to think about if I leave NY after all.

Fasting

Every time I’m in Oxnard I tend to binge. Food, TV, everything.

This time around I reigned it in a bit.

Did 16 / 8 fasting where I’d only have an 8 hour window to eat.

Feels great so far. Will keep it up back in NYC as well.

I’m debating whether to apply this to media as well. Maintain an 8 hour window where I get in all my TV and stop after that window’s over.

Fasting may be the key to everything. Having my cake and eating it too. If I’d been stricter with my media (and food) consumption earlier in life who knows where I’d be today?

Our entire society is geared towards consumption. Feels good to be taking back some power and reinvesting in self control.

I recently bought this timer lock box that you can use to lock away your devices for a period of time. Will report back next week on how my life feels different after using this.

Thanksgiving Week

I’ve been off work the last few days for Thanksgiving. This four day weekend flew by so quickly. Some highlights

  • Day 1: Thanksgiving Day. Very low key. Just the four of us. Dad had COVID so he didn’t do much. Harry, Mom and I did the bulk of the cooking.

    • No turkey. Just Popeye’s chicken. I don’t like turkey (too big and dry) so I was glad.

    • Harry made Kale bread pudding. A bit heavy on the bread side but tasty for sopping up sauces

    • Mom made green bean casserole (seems like her favorite to make every year). With crispy bacon and onions as toppings this was an unhealthy but delicious addition to the table

    • I made a cheesy hasselback potato gratin. Not too much effort and it turned out delicious. Extremely crispy. Also made magnolia bakery’s banana pudding for dessert. Surprisingly delicious given the simplicity of the ingredients. Would make it again for future dinner parties

  • Day 2: San Pedro Fish Market. We’ve gone here over the years. A fish market right by the harbor where they launch cruise ships into the ocean. I think this is a place we go to more for the memories than the taste. We got a stack of fried fish, shrimp, garlic bread, etc. Huge portions. Tasty enough but too far from home IMO.

  • Day 3: Sunset at Ventura. Drove over to Ventura and walked the main street. Walked the pier and watched the sun go down.

  • Day 4: Ojai. I wanted to plan something for the last day. Our family goes out but we seem to lack a formal itinerary so I wanted to have a clear schedule of what we’d do

    • Went to the Farmer’s Market first. Picked up some delicious strawberries (this area has the best strawberries—far better than supermarket types), heirloom tomatoes and a delicious bottle of fresh squeeze orange / mandarin juice.

    • Got some vegan Mexican food at Farmer and the Cook. Dad hated his dish. I thought the food was good but I don’t blame him. It was tasty in the sense that you knew everything you ate was healthy and locally grown but in terms of crowd pleasing, wide appealing flavors it seemed to be lacking.

    • Went to Ojai Olive Company to do some olive oil tasting. Well worth the trip. Situated in the hills on an olive farm, it was a calm and pleasant experience lounging around and sampling olive oil, balsamic vinegar. This place had the best flavored balsamic vinegars I’ve ever had. I particularly enjoyed the peach flavor.

  • Nights were spent in our backyard. Mom recently built this stone fireplace that’s so comfortable to lounge around. We also set up a screen in the backyard and watched movies off the projector. Very very very very comfortable.

Oxnard For the Holidays / Habits (this time for real?)

I’m writing from the Coffee Bean on Rose Ave. Back in Oxnard for Thanksgiving.

Almost every time I’ve left NY in the past year I left with a sense of relief. Each departure felt like a tactical retreat—an opportunity to lay low and muster energy to charge back into the city.

Not this time around.

Life in NYC has been good lately. I think it’s because I’ve achieved a sense of homeostasis.

I have a good job. Good friends. Good hobbies. Good routine. A good, simple, pleasant life.

But now that I have the foundation down I want to aim higher.

Amidst the comfort, a small voice raises dissent—

Is this it? Is it enough? Is it ok to stay in this comfortable place?

The answer is NO!

nice lil sunset view from the office

Habits (this time for real?)

Lately whenever I have down time I go straight for TV or my switch. Whenever I’m waiting for the train I reach for Twitter or Instagram.

I go for the convenient thing too frequently and it’s driving me crazy.

I don’t think there’s anything inherently wrong with the convenient thing. But when the convenient thing consistently becomes the substitute for the real thing it becomes a huge problem.

e.g.

  • TV becomes a substitute for human interaction

  • Junk food becomes the substitute for nutrition

  • Porn becomes the substitute for romance

  • Twitter becomes the substitute for thinking thoughts of your own

And so on.

I’ve tried going cold turkey and living a spartan lifestyle (cutting out all TV, Twitter, Reddit, etc.) but that doesn’t feel sustainable. Some event comes along (going on vacation, hosting a guest, etc.) and the pent up demand leads me to binge like crazy.

I think the move here is to be ON during the week (Mon-Thurs) and OFF during the weekend (Friday-Sun).

Be pretty strict and keep a healthy state of body, mind during the week but let myself indulge on the weekends.

During my ON periods I’ll have more time on my hands. I want to use this time to

  • read more

  • workout more

  • produce music more

Seems like a good plan. Will report back after some time.

Overall it was a chill week.

funny lil bear sign near my apt. Not sure what the point of it is but it’s pretty cute

  • When I first moved to NY, Harry came along to keep me company. One of the first things we did was watch Mike Birbiglia’s show on Broadway—The New One. Harry visited NY this week. This time around we followed that tradition and watched his new show—The Old Man and the Pool.

    • The new show was not as good but traditions are traditions…

pre show rush to eat halal

tall ass dude in front of me kept leaning forward and blocking my view. just lean back and enjoy the show >:(

  • Celebrated Helen’s birthday at Kelvin’s newly furnished apartment!

    • Feels like I’m at a turning point of sorts. Something about this event—being in my late 20s, celebrating someone’s late 20s, being in my friend’s newly purchased apartment—felt much more Adult to me. The big leagues. We don’t drink cheap beer any more. We drink nice wine. We don’t play drinking games. We converse over the aforementioned wine. The start of the transition

      • To this point it’s so interesting to see different people acting at different ages. I have friends 2-4 years older and they still go hard, hit the clubs, hit the strip clubs, do much more degen things. Age does seem to be just a number.

  • Caught up with Jess and some improv friends before she left the city. Post improv class we all hang out less but it’s good to catch up every now and then. The best factor for making lasting, closer friends seem to be proximity.

    • Somewhat related—All the people I hang out with consistently live within 20 minutes from me.

    • This year I explored making new friends by joining various activities (volleyball, improv, choir, sewing, jazz piano) and so far the only ones that I still see happen to live very close to me.

    • Chemistry + convenience + time = lasting friendship

Hibernation

Hibernation

This past week has been so pleasant.

The days are dark sooner. I spend more time in my apartment. So deeply cozy—this apartment has been one of the most comfortable places I’ve ever lived in.

I feel like I’m sliding into hibernation. I know I can’t stay in this lazy mode indefinitely but for now it feels incredible.

My life is on autopilot. For so long I’ve struggled against this. I always felt like I had to keep moving. Always changing, improving, evolving… But I don’t care as much anymore. It’s too cold, too dark, too comfortable in my apartment.

I’m still doing things that improve me as a person. Taking improv classes. Studying jazz piano. That feels good enough for now. I can always jump back on the horse later (probably. I’ll check in again on this in a few weeks/months).

In any case, life feels good.

For posterity here’s what hibernation mode looks like lately:

  • Get out of the house. Maybe go exercise, see some friends, get fresh air, run an errand. Try to soak up as much sunlight as possible.

  • Come back home

  • Lay on the sofa doing any of the following

    • Play overwatch

    • Watch TV on my great home theater setup (bought a Xgimi Elfin projector and I really love it)

      • So much great TV to watch lately. Been into Abbott Elementary, Spy x Family, What We Do in the Shadows, Family Guy (guilty pleasure)…

    • Watch IG Reels or Youtube Shorts. The fact that they’re not as addicting as Tiktok are a feature

That’s about it. Feels good. The act of exercising and spending the next few hours at home has been particularly delightful.

Week in Review

A hodgepodge of random events this week. A marked difference between my life a couple months ago and now is that I seem to have more going on these days.

As someone who lives alone I’ve had my fair share of lonely weekends. With Veteran’s day off I was slightly worried I’d run out of things to do but that hasn’t been the case.

Here are highlights from the week

  • Got my haircut at Hair La Pell (my new go to place that William recommended). Voted! Afterwards I had the best pork buns I’ve ever tasted at Mei La Wah. If I could only eat at one pork bun place for the rest of my life it’d be here. Their pineapple pork bun in particular was so so delicious. Crunchy, sweet crust juxtaposed against the tender, fatty, savory, goopy innards. WOW! One small note is the filling is pretty fatty so I wouldn’t get too many at once.

  • Tried Burek for the first time at Djerdan Burek. A savory pastry made of phyllo with ground beef, onion filling. Flavors you can’t go wrong with. I enjoyed it but I wish it was served with maybe sour cream? Too big for a snack but too small for a meal. Glad I’m taking advantage of the diversity in Astoria

spiral burek with Turkish coffee

  • Met up with Millie and her friends at the Union Square Farmer’s Market. Bought a gnarly looking heirloom tomato that I look forward to making into a sandwich. This all happened on a beautiful 70 degree weather sunlit day. A uncharacteristically Spring day in the middle of Autumn. Met up with Chris afterwards and got udon at Tsurutontan.

  • Met up with choir mates at an Irish bar in Times Square to hear Scott perform. My drinking tolerance is so fickle. I can pound back a significant amount of Soju but a glass of wine at this bar knocked me out

  • Caught up with Tim. Got bbq at John Brown BBQ (burnt ends here are sooo good). Watched a musical improv show at Magnet. It was a little unsettling to watch my instructor perform in the show. Especially since I sat so close to the stage. At first I felt like I had to actively show I was laughing to make sure he felt supported but I settled in after a while and my reactions felt natural.

    • Tim and I had a conversation about maintaining our dreams. He wants to be a writer. I want (or wanted) to be a musician or actor. In that conversation I said that dreams without action were a moot point. You had to earn the right to talk about dreams by putting in the work first. I said I’d rather be someone who let go of their dream and stopped talking about it than someone who talked about their dreams but never acted upon it. Ideally I’d be someone who both talked about my dreams and put effort into them.

  • Met up with Ming and her friend Tiffany earlier today at Queens Bake House. I don’t know Ming that well. We met at a mutual friend’s dinner about a month ago and she reached out to that same group to see if we’d want to meet up. It was good catching up. A pleasant way to spend the afternoon. I can’t put my finger on why but it feels easier to meet neighborhood friends in Queens vs neighborhoods I’ve lived in in the past. In the past year I’ve met more people living in my neighborhood than in past years combined. People here seem more willing to reach out, organize things too. Maybe Queens has more of a community? Astoria definitely feels more livable/homey compared to certain Manhattan neighborhoods.

  • I’ve bought some cocotte dishes recently and have started cooking. I made this eggs in cocotte recipe and am currently making garlic confit. First time trying confit so I am excited. The garlic smell permeates through my apartment as I write this.

It’s been a pleasant week overall. I’ve stuck to my goal of seeing at least one person socially every day and that felt great. I maintain the thought that I have to get better at planning. It was a nice weekend but things came about too randomly. I want to be more opinionated about how I spend my time instead of going wherever the wind might take me.

In broader news the world around me took a big tumble. Layoffs in tech abound. FTX and crypto seems to have exploded. I’m sure these events will trigger events that will end up affecting me one way or another. Can’t read the waves as of now but things are not looking great.

My company may do layoffs next years. I’ve been asking friends what they might do in the chance of a layoff. Everyone seems relatively chill about it. I hope that continues to be the case.

DC / New Schedule

Catching up from last week. Here’s the draft I had from last week that I never posted.

DC

I was in DC this past weekend helping Harry pack. Every time I’m in that city I marvel at how nice it feels. So pleasant walking down these wide streets where the buildings and trees look so beautiful.

My only wish with this city is that there were more Asian people. If there were more Asian people and I had more close friends living there I’d move to DC in a heartbeat.

As we walked the streets of DC Harry randomly started singing Empire State of Mind replacing New York with DC

“DC, concrete jungle where dreams are made up there’s nothing you can’t do!”

Made me think it’s been a while since I saw NY with that kind of wonder. The magic is a little lost but I suppose that’s natural.

Nevertheless I feel I’ve built a comfortable life here with good friends and good hobbies. It’s not a sense of exhilaration but a sense of contentment. I don’t want to give up on exhilaration but I am grateful that I have at least achieved contentment.

My schedule

I was talking to Ryan (my trainer) about my struggles eating healthy consistently and he dropped a simple epiphany on me:

Plan it out

I am not the best planner. When my friends ask/talk about their five year plans I am simultaneously impressed and bewildered.

But with WFH I’ve gone a little off the deep end. There’s no routine. Every day is left to whim—what I’ll eat, where I’ll go, who I’ll see. No wonder these past few months have felt like a roller coaster. High highs and low lows.

Anyways per Ryan’s advice I’ve started solidifying my routine. General guidelines I set for myself

  • Aim to see/socialize with another person every day

  • Exercise at least 4x a week

  • Plan out my meals ahead of time (roughly where and what I’ll eat)

  • Aim for one Big Event a week. A unique, memorable thing

  • Co worked with Aastha and Millie at Coffee Ave. First time working with two friends at a cafe. Although Millie and Aastha don’t know each other that well I think they got closer towards the end. We made plans to walk Manhattan from top to the bottom tip. A worthy endeavor.

  • Found a great new cafe to work out of: Elevenses. A hobbit themed cafe with in house pastry, good coffee, reliable wifi, plenty of outlets and a bathroom. Music’s not too loud so I can take meetings there too.

  • Took the train over to DC. Hit up the usual spots and explored some new ones

    • Tatte. Delicious flatbread once again. The very first bakery Harry and I stumbled into when we went to DC together about a year ago.

    • Le Diplomate — French restaurant with delicious food and a nice atmosphere. The bread, mushroom tart and shrimp salad stood out.

goodbye flatbread from Tatte, you will be missed

mushroom tart @ Le Diplomate

A beautiful plate of food at Unido cafe. This spinach sauce was something else. I wish I could cook like ethis. I probably could if I figured out how they made that sauce…

  • We ended up in a pawn shop in District Heights, Maryland to sell off some of Harry’s stuff. We drove the U Haul to Old Lucas Seafood and Crab afterwards (I wanted some famous Maryland crabs). We were pleasantly surprised the owners were Korean. They must have felt kinship because they gave us double the amount of crabs we ordered (12 crabs total!). We ate out of the U Haul in the parking lot. We didn’t have a way to crack the crabs so after some brainstorming Harry put the crabs in a plastic bag and let the weight of the metal dolly + gravity crack them open. Unorthodox but a beautiful way to eat them. I was very impressed.

Old Friends / Halloweekend

I am writing while laying down on my sofa. Feeling kinda lazy/tired so I’ll make this a quick one.

It was Halloweek. It was a good week overall.

I’ve been a bit lost in thought/contemplative in past weeks but due to my busy schedule this week I don’t think I thought too much. That might be a good thing.

There is such a thing as overplanning your life. You can’t live your life by thinking about it. You have to just live it. Maybe the best life lived is one where you don’t stop and think and just live every moment as deeply as possible (maybe!!!!).

Anyways, it was a packed week.

Old Friends

Kristy and Chai both visited this week. Tim also just moved to NY. Friends I hadn’t seen in years but had known for years.

Time goes by and I marvel at how long I’ve known some of these people. I can even remember the first times I met some of them and what I thought of them in that moment.

It was a week of reminiscing and doing somewhat typical NY things when visitors come

  • Went to a fancy dinner at Craft. I’d first read about this in Dave Chang’s memoir and wanted to try it for a while. The menu was relatively straightforward American food (no twists). The service was great. For the first time in my dining experience one of the employees (host?) came by and asked us an ice breaker—”if you woke up and discovered you were a huge celebrity what would you do.” I was taken aback and everyone expected me to answer first (as the defacto leader of the group 😏) so I panicked and said “I would go out to Union Square and stand there so my fans can greet me.”—a pretty egotistic answer in line with my usual schtick. The guy left after everyone answered. I expected there to be some callback (maybe a special dish or something idk) during the dinner to what we had discussed but it turned out to have been just a simple ice breaker after all.

    • The food highlights: short rib, duck, potato au gratin and so on. Honestly was not impressed for how much we paid.

    • The food was too straightforward and the execution was not incredible. Seemed like the place you might take out a client you want to impress to some degree but not a place you’d go to reunite with friends you hadn’t seen in years

  • Went to Chelsea Market and to Artechouse afterwards. Artechouse was a digital art experience where they rotate out the exhibit. Ours was Life of a Neuron. They had a tiny section upstairs with panels describing the life of a neuron and a huge projector area downstairs with a light show depicting the life of a neuron. Very trippy and might have been fun if we were high but we were sober and the experience was definitely not worth the $30 we spent. Glad I tried it so I don’t have to try it again.

  • Went to PJ Clarke’s with Kristy, Will and Kelvin. This was a group reunion from the Winter Will, Kelvin and I visited Kristy in Taiwan. That was in the Winter after Junior year so almost 6 years at this point 😳. I remember Taiwan as a beautiful mosquito filled country with vibrant sights and experiences. Going to a bustling night market to eat oyster omelettes. Drinking tea on a fog filled mountain as the rain pitter-pattered all around us. An idyllic bike ride along a winding river and watching the Sun go down afterwards while sitting on a cafe. I likely did not appreciate as much then what turned out to be a beautiful trip.

    • PJ Clarke’s was an institution. I read somewhere months (years?) ago that it had amazing burgers. I got the sliders which were pretty decent but I wish I’d gotten a full burger to see what it was like. Truffle fries were great and indeed truffley.

      • The atmosphere was pretty nice too. Intimate, American-y. Felt like you were eating in a restaurant that could have existed a century ago (maybe it did. Edit: it was built in 1884. Nat King Cole called it the “Cadillac of burgers.” I’m pretty sure I read about this in Vanishing New York—a great book on gentrification in New York and how much the city has changed over the years).

    • Speaking of great burgers, I had one recently at The Malt House during a team dinner. Unexpectedly great. Juicy, drowning in cheese—exactly what I wanted at that moment.

Thoughts on seeing old friends/reminiscing—I spend days so recklessly, nonchalantly. Like they cost nothing and are in eternal supply. But the place I’m in and the people around me will eventually fade. It’s hard to internalize that and treat every day like it matters BUT I should at least try to enjoy and appreciate everything around me.

An alternative thought is this—friends stick around longer than you may expect. Who knew when I ran into snot faced, immature Kristy Freshman year on the floors of Putnam Hall we’d end up seeing each other years later in New York? Even with the friends I currently hang out a lot with—in 2016 when Will, Kelvin and I were in Taiwan, none of us imagined we’d still be hanging out weekly in NYC years after our trip.

Halloweekend

I was slightly worried I wouldn’t have anything to do Halloweekend but it turned out to be pretty eventful.

  • Friday I went out with Brian and his boys. His crew dressed up as characters from Peaky Blinders. I’d gotten the memo but wasn’t sure how serious they were so I dressed up as Snoopy instead. We started off at Decibel Sake Bar, went bar hopping across LES and ended up getting a table at Mission. My first time at Mission I was impressed by how uncomfortably packed it was. Densest crowd of people I’d seen in months. Also a lot of dudes compared to at Den Social. I had the most alcohol that night than I had in months. Crawled my way to William’s place afterwards and crashed there for the night

    • Clubbing is fun every once in a while. I hadn’t gone in a few months so it felt fun going out again.

  • Saturday I recovered from Friday. Dinner at PJ Clarke’s and got a drink with Chai and some of his friends in Murray Hill. I slept most of the day.

  • Sunday I hosted a small event at my place. I intentionally kept it lowkey and intimate and invited people that I thought would keep it chill/comfortable (Will, Kelvin, Aastha, Millie, Raj + his girlfriend). People came late and early on I wished I’d invited more people. My space could easily hold 15-20 people. But overall had a fun time. We ate, drank and played a bunch of party games (salad bowl, fibbage, etc.)

In Other News

  • I continue to practice Jazz Piano. The joy of knowing I’m making small steady strides.

  • Also going to improv which continues to be fun but oddly competitive.

  • Went to a writing meetup that a newly made friend (Jasmine) hosted. First time writing in a group setting and it was kinda cool.

It was a good week overall. I still feel like there’s room for improvement.

  • I want to make progress in producing music and performing again.

  • Also want to make sure I maintain my fitness and eat healthy

  • I want to optimize my social life so I spend quality time with new and old friends and go to events I find meaningful.

Healthy Wood / RIP iPad

Sitting on a this lazy Sunday at this super loud cafe (Blank Slate coffee) where even with my noise canceling headphones I cannot drown out the sound. What is this the club?!?!??!?!?!??

I am feeling back to myself.

This past week I’ve felt soooooo low energy. Just going through the motions. Spending most of my day at home playing Slay the Spire (amazing game btw) and watching TV.

But being in this loud ass place with all these people around me and my coffee at my side I feel a bit more energized (although it’s likely I’ll go lay in bed after I finish writing this).

Also just got lunch and coffee with Kelvin. Getting out of the house helps. Especially since I work from home so often.

When I first moved to NY people said to choose my neighborhood wisely because I’d end up spending most of my time there.

I’ve found that to be absolutely true and unfortunately I don’t love living in LIC. Astoria is nice. Has a very homey atmosphere with plenty of restaurants and cafe. But that’s a 20-30 minute walk and the walk there from my place is barren and industrialized.

I think next year (if I’m still in NY) I’ll try to go back to Manhattan. Prioritize being in a more vibrant place and living closer to friends (although I do live close to some friends in Queens currently)

Healthy Wood

This is the season of prioritizing health.

In the past few months (years? since Pandemic?) I’ve had terrible habits and I want to re-evaluate how to live.

I’m getting to the age where it’s more apparent than ever how important my health is.

My shoulder’s busted. My sleep keeps getting interrupted. Diet hasn’t been great. And I’ve been living with all this longer than I’ve had to.

Here’s the fix:

  1. Re-establishing my sleep habits. I’ve very consistently been sleeping around 1 and waking at 9.

  2. Cooking way more

  3. Finding specialists for my shoulder, sleep problems

When I write it all out it seems so obvious but perhaps I haven’t been living like an adult these past few months.

In a misguided effort to re-establish my youth I started drinking and partying more over the summer but in some ways that’s backfired 😂

Had fun though so no real regrets.

RIP iPad

In a spurt of motivation I also sold my iPad so my sleeping habits can improve.

I bought this back in 2021 as a present for myself after getting promoted. I told myself I wanted one so I could start drawing with Procreate. What happened instead is I started going to bed with my iPad every night and watching TV late into the night.

I’ve had a problem with internet self control from the start.

As a young child in the early 2000s (long before smartphones) I got my hand on a portable handheld TV (as a prize for making so much progress in Kumon…).

Mom was relatively strict about sleeping at reasonable times so I had to exert caution. After I was sent to bed I’d get under the covers to hide the light from showing through my door, plug in my earphones, and BINGE INTO THE NIGHT!

I remember watching a lot of The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson (probably because that was one of the few things on then) and Sex and the City (because I thought there’d be sex 🤦🏻‍♂️).

I destroyed my sleep schedule back then and must have fried so many brain cells.

Anyways same thing seemed to be happening now so it was time to clean up house.

Good bye iPad, you will be missed. I used you for nothing useful and watched countless hours of TV, Youtube, anime on you. I hope this sacrifice leads to a healthier, more harmonious lifestyle.

Other thoughts/events of the week

  • Went to my first Improv II class! People are more talented but also more intense. They should make an anime about improv classes. Really felt like that. We’re in a new arena and we’re all sizing each other up to see what strengths/weaknesses everyone has. Maybe it’s just me but it feels like we’ll be more competitive with each other. I think it’ll be pretty fun

  • Been climbing consistently with Raj. My hands are callused but my spirit is nourished. Just kidding I don’t love climbing like that but it’s fun.

  • Went to a Diwali event at work. We rented out an Indian restaurant and they served us till we bust.

  • Went to jazz piano again. We are moving at a quick pace.

  • My despair about work is lessening. As I start working on actual work I start to enjoy building more. Who knew…

  • That’s about it. ~Slow week~

Excuse the unappetizing plating. They served goulash at work this week. Reminded me of my Hungary days

Budapest / London / The Value of Doing the Wrong Thing

I write from this blessed Sunday from the deep deep comfort of my alcove studio.

My apartment has truly begun to feel like home in the past few weeks. My peaceful refuge after a few weeks of travel.

Words cannot fully express how comfortable I am right now. Peak Autumn mode. Sipping on a mug of Trader Joe’s Harvest Blend Tea listening to PJ Morton’s The Piano Album after having eaten a delicious meal of Trader Joes’s (shoutout TJ) chicken shawarma, roasted sweet potato and kale slaw.

very proud of this dish. I’ve realized that I haven’t learned to properly plan my meals out as an adult. So many diets going through the revolving door of my life. Keto, eating like shit, etc. This feels like a pretty balanced bowl to me. 1 part protein, 1 part starch/grain, 2 part vegetables.

What joy! What comfort!

To be honest, the past few weeks I’ve been having bouts of existentialism. Questioning whether I’m spending my time on anything worthwhile. Questioning whether I’m missing out on anything and letting my time slip by.

Fair questions that will probably echo through the rest of my life BUT in this moment I can’t think of much beyond how comfortable I am.

Budapest

I was in Budapest a few weeks ago.

Budapest came about on a whim. I originally wanted to go to NYC —> London —> Berlin. I’m a bit of a lazy planner so I left the Berlin portion unplanned till last minute.

Turns out Berlin was too expensive so I picked the cheapest European country that sounded appealing…Budapest.

Went with Ray who recently moved to London.

First impressions/thoughts of Budapest

  • Beautiful city. The Danube runs through separating the Buda and the Pest sides of the city. The river itself is pretty. The buildings are beautiful as well.

  • Cheap! A pretty nice two bedroom Airbnb ran for $100 a day. Meals were pretty affordable.

  • What does a Hungarian look like? For a lot of ethnicities there seem to be features that help identify them. You can take a country like Japan or England and have a mental model of what a person from that country should kind of look like. Even after my trip I can’t really describe what a Hungarian person looks like.

  • Deep history. Budapest got screwed during World War 1, 2. Even to this day they’re rebuilding a lot of stuff that was destroyed during the wars. Makes me wonder why they haven’t been able to get to it faster…

Some notable memories

  • Going to a club called Instant. I was a bit nervous about experiencing the night life in a new city. In any city where I’m considered a minority I’m always a little nervous about first experiences. We got to the club and the door was manned by a small posse of big Hungarian men. I thought we might get carded or have to pay cover but they pretty much ignored us and waved us through. This was the biggest club I’ve been to in my life. Spanning three floors and a basement, it’s split into six different dance floors playing different genres of music. Going from room to room discovering a new bar or new dance floor was pretty interesting—almost like going through a maze. We got there around 1030/11 and hung out for a few hours. By the time we left it was PACKED.

    • I’m so impressed by the fact they played different genres of music. They even had a rock floor. We alternated mostly between the house room and the pop room but the edm room had a trippy light show that was cool. Only regret is I didn’t find the R&B/hip hop room.

  • The food was fantastic. Cheap too. A fancier meal would cost maybe $30 each. Coming from NY where a burger and drink cost me $50(!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) a few weeks ago this was great.

    • Had goulash for the first time. Prior to this trip I always thought goulash was a garnish or dip like a salsa (kind of sounds similar right?)… WRONG! It’s a very hearty beef stew. First sip I had blew me away. Sipping on a dish like this in the dead of winter—that would be amazing. I don’t know how they make it so hearty. It envelops you like a warm hug.

    • Langos. Imagine deep fried dough covered with sour cream, cheese and whatever toppings you want on top of that. We had sausage and bacon. Tasty but very straightforward. Of course that combination of dishes will taste good.

    • We also swung by a more traditional Hungarian restaurant called Csalanosi Csarda. Huge portions. Simple delicious food. The desserts were fantastic. Plus they had live music

GOULASH! Gonna learn how to make this. Perfect for the upcoming cold

incredible apple cake dessert we had.

  • Baths. We went to Széchenyi baths. A palatial outdoor/indoor bath with dozens of baths, saunas, steam rooms to explore. A little more run down than I expected but well maintained and clean overall. Alternated between the steam room and the cold pool. Ended with the dry sauna and felt buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzed hours after I left.

  • River cruise. All you can drink Prosecco while you float down the river Danube watching beautiful buildings pass by. $30 for this experience as well. Not bad…

  • Ruin bar. Bars made out of the ruins of old buildings. We didn’t stay that long here but the layout was pretty interesting and they had a great house DJ playing (high praise from someone who doesn’t listen to house).

Overall great four days in Budapest. Did pretty much everything I wanted to do. I’m sure there’s more we could have explored but this felt sufficient.

surprisingly a lot of Asian food in Budapest. This was the Korean restaurant down the street from our Airbnb but we never went because of terrible reviews…

While I was there I did wonder what non-tourists did day to day in the city. What industries did they have beyond tourism? Clearly people live here but it felt so designed for the tourist that it was hard to imagine what they’d do. Probably felt that way because we mostly stayed in the tourist parts

the view from City Park

One critique of the city—coffee scene could be better.

interior of the famed NY cafe. Didn’t stay because the line was so long

It was also pretty fun traveling with Ray. Hadn’t spent that much time one on one with him in the past but the conversation/fun flowed smoothly. Two bedroom two bathroom layout worked nice where we had our own spaces at the end of the night.

It did feel like a romantic city though. Would be great to come back with a girlfriend in the future :’)

London again

The remainder of my trip I stayed in London. London portion of the trip felt a little long. Given that I had just been there last year maybe I should have gone elsewhere.

Nonetheless there were some nice moments in this part of the trip as well. Weather this trip around was very nice too.

  • Dinner at Blacklock with Sherry and Ray. We got the All-In which turned out to be a heap of lamb chop, beef and pork. The meat was good. Definitely too much and got colder, unappetizing towards the end. We also got the cheesecake here which was REALLY GOOD! Oh lord that crust. That crumbly, buttery, sand-like crust.

  • Got dinner with Sherry at a Cocotte in Shoreditch (chicken was meh. Bread was really good). Caught up about life and shot the breeze. Talked about so many random life things. Such a comfortable, enjoyable, effortless dinner. I’m glad we’ve been able to get closer during NY and stay close friends across her travels to other countries. It was a shame she had to leave for Paris and we didn’t have much overlap but it was really nice seeing her again.

  • Met up with Rupert (before I left for Hungary actually). Good seeing him. Our paths seem to cross more than I’d expected. Back in Berkeley I rarely hung out with him outside of occasional church events. Seeing him over the years in the bay, NYC, London… unexpected.

    • Same old Rupert. He’s one of those people that seem like a constant. Happy go lucky, living life on a whim, getting into random shenanigans (is that a fair assessment @ rupert if you ever read this?). No tumult. No discernible ups and downs. Interesting guy

  • Saw Mimi.

    • We got coffee at a Japanese cafe and caught up on life. She seems like she’s up to similar things as the last time we spoke. Working in casting. Thinking about moving to Australia for film opportunities there.

    • Also trippy to think we’d be meeting up all these years later. Back in Junior year I crushed on her for a while and asked her out. We went on a date but the timing didn’t work out. We talked a little bit during the Summer after Junior year but lost contact for a few years. She hit me up randomly in 2019 and we talked over messenger a bit. I remember thinking “this is nice but too bad we live in different cities.” Messenger talk peters out. Pandemic hits. And years later I see her again in 2022. From 2016 to 2022…

    • Maybe I’m beating a dead horse but again—weird to know who enters your life and who leaves it. Who’s sticky. I never would have looked at either Mimi or Rupert when I first met them and imagined seeing them years later in a different continent.

    • After the cafe we hung out at the garden and I stuck around while she took a call. We were both sleep deprived but I think it was a good hang.

    • The following day we met up for dinner in Soho. Dinner was a little disappointing—she seemed far more tired than the day before. But it was great seeing her overall.

  • Watched Much Ado About Nothing at the Shakespeare Globe!

    • WOW. So unexpectedly good. I went in wondering whether I’d even understand the show. I left feeling like I’d seen some of the best live acting of my life.

    • Being in that iconic venue was really cool.

    • Will definitely watch another show next time I’m in London (wonder when that will be).

  • Did a walking tour in Hampstead Heath.

    • I was tired. The group turned out to be much older than prior walking tours and I felt a liiiiiiittle out of place. Seemed more like a group of retirees than tourists.

    • Hampstead Heath had that quaint English town vibe to it. I didn’t explore much of the park but it was nice.

  • Saw Buckingham Palace and rode through Hyde Park. Dare I say London’s parks on a sunny day might edge out New York’s parks. Absolutely beautiful on a clear sunny day.

Overall, London was fun. I’m always curious about why the food there is so heavy. Chop shops, Fish and chips, all the different meat pies people eat there.

bangers and mash @ Mother Mash. Bangers were banging. Mash was good

One of the things Brits do the best are potato chips. Tyrrell’s Sea Salt & Cider Vinegar chips became a new favorite for me during this trip.

I’m gonna try to go to new places in the future. Budapest was worthwhile. London felt too familiar. Though it was nice seeing so many friends while I was over there.

Also if I ever move to London I like Shoreditch. So much to eat, drink, explore there.

The Value of Doing the Wrong Thing

Now that I’m back in New York I gotta figure out some stuff.

Most specifically I want to feel like I’m directed towards something.

Pre-Euro trip I definitely felt like I was going with the flow too much. My habits were terrible too

  • getting drunk a little too often and ending the night with a bag of chips and cookies

  • waking up way literally minutes before having to log in at work

  • days when I’d work from home and not see a single person

I’m gonna clean up shop a little bit and start living towards something. Lately that’s been getting back into making music.

As I encourage myself to produce music again I keep questioning myself.

Is it worth it? What’s the point? This stupid ass music shit that will probably go nowhere…

To be fair producing music may be the absolute wrong thing to spend my life on right now BUT it’s better to be disciplined and honed in the wrong thing than aimless in everything.

If I can squeeze the best results from myself in this one thing I can probably do it towards other things in the future as well.

That is an irrefutable, undeniable T R U T H.

Reflections from No Stress Coffee (and also from my office)

hello!

I am in a good mood. Just drank two small cups of coffee from No Stress Coffee and I am indeed feeling no stress.

Not that much has changed since last week. These days feel like I’m ambling along the pathway of life.

cute lil guy chillin amidst the bustling crowd

I’ve been reading this book (How to Stop Time by Matt Haig*) where the main character says something like “there are months, years, decades where it feels like nothing happens and days when everything can change.”

Definitely feels like the former these days.

Lately I’m just trying to get out of the house more. My apartment has become a very comforting refuge amongst the suddenly cold, rainy weather. Such deep coziness laying in bed on a cold morning.

I’m content overall. Though I miss my family a lot these days, I’m happy enough with my social life and every weekend I manage to find a good amount to do.

But if I had to pinpoint a source of discontent—I lack a conquest. I might be one of those people that can never really settle down. If I don’t have enough on my plate it feels too quiet. When I’m done with relaxing like this I want to find more schemes to get involved with.

In any case, I have about ten days of PTO and I’ll be in Europe during that time. Will have time to reflect and plan out what I want next.

*Speaking of Matt Haig, I also read The Midnight Library and it was a great read. A sentimental book about being able to relive your life before you officially die to handle all the regrets you ever encountered. Real page turner.

Week in Review

  • Saw a show at Smalls Jazz with my jazz piano class. As previously mentioned, most of my class is significantly older than me so it was interesting hanging out with an older crowd. Made small talk with them before the show but most of them quickly dispersed before we could talk much after the show.

    • The show itself was great but I was glad it was ending by the hour mark.

  • Went to a Moth show! I’d been listening to this storytelling podcast for months and wanted to see a live show for a while. The setup here—people are given a theme (the theme was grown up for the show I watched) and they throw their names in a hat. Ten storytellers are chosen randomly from that hat and tell their stories centered around that theme. At the end of each story, three judges give a score from 1-10 and the winner is crowned at the end.

    • Enjoyed it overall. Some stories were pretentious and self absorbed. Others were slow and poorly paced. A few were laugh out loud funny, personal, relatable and enjoyable. In any case it was interesting to see so many different flavors of humans go on stage to tell their stories.

    • Given the set up it almost felt like church. Very community-focused show that fostered a sense of kinship/community

  • Went to Malala with Aastha. Decently tasty dry pot right in Astoria! A little too salty at times though. We went to a bakery afterwards and I was surprised to see so many people lounging around at 9PM on a Sunday. Astoria feels more communal than other neighborhoods I’ve encountered so far.

  • Went out drinking with Simon, Brian and Anthony. Started off at Taiwanese Pork Chop House in Chinatown. Incredible value. Delicious rice, pickled veggies, pork chop dinner for around $8. We went to get soju after but I petered off towards the end of the night. Can’t drink like I could in the summer for some reason. May be more that I don’t want to drink now that it’s colder and darker.

    • This season came in out of nowhere. Just last week it felt so much warmer, brighter… Gotta get ready for a long dark winter.

chinatown was so beautiful that day

  • Went to Jeremy’s house party where I saw a bunch of other improv friends. I’m glad we’re still hanging out post improv. Drank nearly a bottle of soju. It was crowded and hot inside.

    • Had some more grounded conversations towards the end of the party. Seems like the I gravitate towards similar topics with people these days—dating and loneliness. Dating makes sense given I’m 27 but I wonder if other people also gravitate towards these topics. I wonder what people in relationships my age talk about if not dating. Most of my friends in NY aren’t in long, dedicated relationships so I wouldn’t know.

  • Besides that I’ve continued to climb. It’s fun. I’m still on V0, V1 but I’m starting to venture into V2.

  • Got Dim Sum with Will at DD Soup Dumpling. Dim sum was decent. Turns out they give you a free XLB if you leave a five star review which is why the reviews were overwhelmingly five stars…