Birthday Reflections / Venice

birthday reflections

I’m 27. 30 looms in the distance but I try to pay it no mind. Today is a day of celebration, not fear.

A recap of the past year

  • I started out in Oxnard and left early January for my apartment in Brooklyn

    • This was right around the time people starting regather post the worst of COVID

    • I remember feeling pretty out of it socially. After having spent so many months alone in my apartment it was weird hanging out with friends again

  • I spent the next few months enjoying Brooklyn life. A lot of time spent alone. A lot of time walking around, drinking coffee, sitting on benches

  • Went back home to Oxnard in May and stayed there for roughly 4 months

    • Had to readjust to suburban life again. Compared to NYC I found Oxnard super boring

    • Actually can’t believe I stayed in Oxnard for that long. I have a new rule now where I shouldn’t stay in Oxnard more than 2 weeks at a time

    • Spent a lot of time reconnecting with Mom and especially Dad since Mom went off to Korea for a bit. I’ve grown to enjoy our 1:1 post work walks around the neighborhood. In the past I’d whine like a lil bitch that I just wanted to stay home.

    • Did some side trips to Seattle, San Diego, San Francisco

  • Also did a cross country Amtrak trip with Harry

    • LA —> Albuquerque —> Kansas City —> St Louis —> Chicago —> Cincinnati

  • Went back to NY in September

  • Went to Europe for a bit (~20 days)

  • Came back to America

    • Did Thanksgiving in NJ/DC

    • Came back home to Oxnard where I’m currently writing this post from.

Some thoughts on this year

  • I did a lot of things. A part of me wishes I’d explored more—maybe spent more time in Europe or Asia—but the vaccine only came out later/COVID was still a big part of this year

  • This year I got pretty comfortable doing things alone. In the past if I’d have hesitated going to a meetup or an open mic alone. This time around I forced myself to go through with these things and realized there was nothing to be afraid of

    • There are points where I got too comfortable being alone though—points where I could have been more open/accommodating with people instead of retreating into my solitude

  • This year was a process of doing things I’d been wanting to do but too afraid to do

    • Signing up for singing lessons. I don’t know why I was so hesitant before. Probably because singing is a vulnerable thing to do and to admit you want singing lessons is also a vulnerable act

    • Solo trip to Europe

    • Open mics

    • Playing volleyball

  • I’m glad I got to spend so much time with family. I am not a fan of Oxnard but the time I spent here with family is priceless

  • Was also slightly addicted to Reddit in the past. Was able to cut it out of my life. Now I’m just addicted to Instagram/Tiktok… progress!

Some thoughts on next year

  • I had a list of goals

    • Release 5 songs, Get to 160 lbs, Travel to 5 locations

    • Of these I only accomplished the traveling.

  • The goals haven’t changed much. If I had to pinpoint where I failed:

    • Releasing 5 songs

      • A lot of distractions. I also put off a lot of releases because of perfectionism.

      • I’m going to let things go and just release even if it’s not absolutely perfect

      • Also have a new rule where if I miss a day of producing then I can’t watch TV the following day.

    • Get to 160 lbs

      • I think I’m going to need a trainer for this. Don’t have enough discipline/knowledge to figure this out alone

  • Also set a timeline. Instead of a broad goal far in the distance I want to set a realistic timeline for when I’ll accomplish everything.

  • I want to be more courageous next year too.

    • Especially in terms of relationships—both platonic and romantic. Be more vulnerable. Be more open. Don’t give up too easily.

      • I think I can be pretty closed off with people I don’t know well and I want to fix that.

    • Also in terms of getting out my comfort zone. Apathy/excuses driven by fear have prevented me from doing so many things I’ve wanted to do. The idea that “I’m not that kind of person” is my biggest blocker right now

    • I watched an IG reel recently where someone said “there’s no one coming. No one to tell you what to do, when to get up, how to live your life etc.” That’s hit home. 27 is a big boy age. You gotta take responsibility for who you’ll end up being. No one to tell you what to do (unless you hire a life coach 😳)

Anyways, 26 was a better year. Way fuggin better than 25. I catch myself off guard when I realize been almost two years since the start of COVID. A pity that I started this blog towards the end of 2020. Would have been interesting to see my thoughts from early 2020 onwards.

Maybe it’s my youthful ignorance speaking but 27-30 feel like years when you figure your shit out and settle down for the long haul.

I think I’m in a pretty good place right now but I also don’t know what’s next/what the long haul looks like.

So many uncertainties. What will I end up doing (is it SWE??)? Who will I end up with? Where will I live?

The youthful invincibility/belief that everything will work out starts to fade. I’m cautiously optimistic. Everything will work out but I’ll have to figure it out/put in the work.

Ventura Crab n Spice. Favorite restaurant in Oxnard

I’m 27

In other news

  • I’ve started cooking family dinner every Thursday. Made a new recipe—the tiktok famous feta pasta months after the hype. Pretty simple. Pretty tasty. 8.5/10

skateboarding to Aldi’s to pick up ingredients. BOOTYFUL day

  • Hung out with Justin in person for the first time in more than a year (honestly can’t remember the last time I saw him. Covid timeline is shaky). Spent a really fun day exploring random parts of Venice LA.

    • Hit up The Great Western Steak & Hoagie Co. Got coffee at Alfred Coffee and walked down Walter Kinney. Birded around to the pier and got burgers at Win~Dow and tacos at Teddy’s Red Tacos.

    • Had no idea Venice actually had canals/waterways.

    • Justin is moving to Mexico! Partly to save money. Partly to explore a new non American society. I wish him the best

sun makes my eyes go squinty fug i look bad in this photo

someone parachuting over Santa Monica on the drive over. Can’t remember the last time I was so delightfully surprised to see something. This dude flew over the highway aiming for the water.