Spring

This one’s been in the drafts for a while. I’m currently at the 5th ave library hanging out with Tim. The last time I posted was in March. It is now June! Holy shit.

Life’s passed by in a blur per usual. But it’s been good.

It’s hard to think of all the things I’ve done since that time but here are some highlights:

  • Continued improv / musical improv. Just had my Level 3 class show for improv and did a “new faces” musical improv show at Brooklyn Comedy Collective.

    • Also did a musical show for Slutprov… The concept is for us to be slutty improvisers but I don’t think the concept played out very well 🥵

from the new faces show—I was the villain of this show

  • Did a long weekend trip to Virginia / DC to see the cherry blossoms

  • Did the 5 boro bike tour—a 40 mile bike race from Manhattan - Bronx - Queens - Brooklyn - Staten Island

  • Went on more dates—some flings, some failures, some fallouts, some new friends.

  • Been working a LOT—more than I’ve worked in the past. It was fun and novel at first but now I don’t enjoy it as much.

  • Been playing volleyball in a league. We’ve lost every game so far which is frustrating but I’m glad we’re playing at all

  • Started volunteering at church. Doing cleanup crew for kids ministry. I have mixed feelings on this. I’ve wanted to volunteer more for a while but never had a strong desire to do kids ministry. Feel like I kind of fell into this but I’ll try my best while I do it. Maybe it’ll be rewarding…

family time with Harry and Dove

I’m in a bit of a lull period right now. Improv classes have finished. That excitement in my life has faded a bit. I’m trying to figure out the next steps, next few months.

I’m playing around with a few ideas but I think it makes sense to double down on making music.

  • I’ve let this new album go on far too long. The discipline I need to create is not fully there

  • June is NY Music Month so there are a bunch of events, resources. I’m gonna ride that wave and have a tangible thing by the end of month. I hate delayed progress

    • I’ve taken advantage of this by booking out a music practice room every week for free in Astoria. I think the separation of life - work - music and having that space to create and practice will be good for me.

  • The main issue I have with making music is that it’s lonely. I wish I were in a band. I wish I had more music friends. Right now I only know two people actively making music—Frank and Wendy. Trying to catch up with Frank and Wendy is a new friendquaintance. My point here is that my music community is not that strong

  • Contrasting that with improv where collaboration is baked into the activity

Well—it’s only for the month.

After that I want to actually go on vacation. I’m tired of working. Kind of tired of being in the city. The past few weeks I’ve fantasized of drinking under a palm tree. If I can do that for a week away from everyone and everything I’ll come back stronger than ever.

spring in NY was absolutely beautiful and brutal for my allergies

That’s the recap thanks for reading friend.

The following is a draft I had back in April 25. I was feeling very high on life at this point. I’m currently riding the tail end of that high BUT I feel it fading BUT I’m sure I can get back to that feeling. The italicized comments are my current thoughts on this matter.

For a period after college I found myself looking back to 2016. That was the year everything clicked. I had a girlfriend, I was the fittest I’d been in years, I’d just declared my computer science major and spent hours chilling on campus listening to music and drinking coffee. I dove headfirst into acting. I had a circle of close friends. I was the happiest I’d been in my life. The golden year.

I made several attempts after that year to reach that emotional peak. I thought I could fine tune different parameters of my life to get there. But all attempts fizzled out until now.

It might be premature but I’m declaring this as my golden year part II.

I am very happy right now. I’m going back to my peak physical form. I’m healthy. I have a good group of friends in NY. I’m back into acting. Going on more dates. It feels like I’m firing on all cylinders.

I think this happiness is something that can be built. It’s not something that strikes like a bolt of lightning—it’s something you can achieve with a plan and consistency.

I also believe that this golden year will slip away. Disaster may strike or I might just become lazy and let everything drift away. For when that time comes I want to have a record of what I did to start feeling this way again.

Body

If your body isn’t right the chances of a golden year are slim. Here’s what I did

  • Workout 4x a week. Monday/Wednesday lift at the gym. Other days I either take a boxing / fitness class or I play volleyball.

    • I slipped a bit on this. Injured my wrist a couple weeks ago and stopped working out. Feel a little shittier than I did back then but I’m getting back into the swing of things

  • 10k Steps a day

  • Roughly track calories. For a few weeks I’d track religiously on My Fitness Pal to get a better understanding of how many calories were in each food. These days I kinda eyeball it. I aim for ~1900/2000 calories knowing I’ll burn roughly 500 with my walking/exercise. TDEE stuff

    • The lack of exercise led me to eating a bit unhealthy here. Along with having guests over—I always eat kind of unhealthy with Harry. Something about hanging out with him makes me loosen up. Maybe it’s because we ate so unhealthy as kids together—I might be reading into it too much.

  • Sleep. I installed an app (Opal) that blocks distracting apps during a time window (11:30pm to 11am). In the past I’d scroll IG, Youtube late into the night but now I don’t have that option. My sleep schedule is ~midnight to 830AM.

    • This has continued to be a game changer. My sleep’s much better since I installed this guardrail.

I’m trying to hit my weight goal of 160. I started at 174 and I’m at 168. I’m pretty happy with my progress so far.

I’ve fallen off the wagon in recent weeks with injury, not working out as much, and letting my diet slip—but I’m back on it again.

my achilles heel when it comes to the diet—these turtle chips are too addicting

I’m fully aware of how convenience has affected my success. I have a well stocked salad bar at work as well as a gym. In the past I’d have to exert energy to make healthy meals and trek over to the gym but now it’s almost automatic.

Mind

I think body accounts for most happiness. Mind is the extra stuff that makes life more enjoyable.

  • Stopped watching porn. At this point, who knows the exact science? Is it bad for you? Does it matter? All I know is that after I watch it, I feel kinda shitty. When I don’t watch it I feel better. It could all be placebo but I’ll do what feels good. Also motivates me to meet girls IRL.

  • Getting out of the house. During wfh there were days I’d barely leave the house. Getting a minimal amount of fresh air, sunlight. One of the best things I’ve done recently is start going to the office every day. Even if I don’t stay the entire day it’s good to have that routine and to get out of the house.

    • I continue to go to the office every day but I’m getting a little tired of it. Especially on Fridays when the office is nearly empty. I should really invite a friend or two to work with me on Fridays.

  • Improv. I’d wanted to get back into acting for the past few years.

  • Music. My routine is to get an hour in before work every day.

    • Slipped on this and started waking around 930/10. Going to get back into this for the upcoming week.

Soul

By soul I mean community. It’s not exactly 1:1 but mind/body/soul sounds catchier :)

  • Joined a church

  • Joined volleyball league

  • Started improv classes and got more involved in that community

That’s mostly everything.

I feel good. I know there’s more I can do / more that I’m capable of and I look forward to those days too. I’m reassured by the fact that doing good things for yourself leads to greater happiness. That happiness is not an ephemeral, uncontrollable thing—it’s a thing that can be earned.

Some things I look forward to

  • Being a better community maker. So far I’ve participated in communities but I also want to help build one

  • Hitting my peak physical form :)

  • Going on more dates and eventually falling in love <3

  • Finally finishing / releasing my next album

Despite setbacks I still feel good about things. I wonder if I’m a little burnt out by work. Work’s been increasingly stressful and that stress has affected other parts of my life too. But I think I’m getting used to the load.

I was oncall a couple weeks back and that destroyed me a bit. I hate that work can have such a large effect on life but what can you do 🤷🏻‍♂️

At least it’s just a temporary thing.