Turning 30 / 2024 Recap
I’m writing from Oxnard. A lot’s happened in these last few weeks. Celebrating turning thirty, coming back to California for a bit and most importantly breaking up Tara.
I spent most of last week getting ready to turn 30 and getting ready to come back to LA. Went to Manhatta with Tara, got hotpot with my work friends, and hired a sailboat on Friday but the captain hurt his leg and that was canceled.
In hindsight, I wish I’d done a bigger event. I could have mustered the energy (and the courage) to send out invites to everyone and hosted a larger thing but
I was too tired. I’d felt like I’d spread myself thin over the last few weeks / months and didn’t want to plan anything
It might have been easier if I had my own place to host at afterwards but since I was living in a sublet with roommates it felt like more of a hassle than not.
The night before I left for California, it felt like Tara and I had different expectations of each other. I didn’t think it’d really work out in the long run so we called it quits.
I haven’t really sat down to think much of the break up. But I really had some amazing times with her. It’s wild and sad to see how amazing I felt at the beginning (literally spending hours on the sofa listening to music in a daze over how happy I felt) and how much tension I felt towards the end. I suppose towards the end it wasn’t terrible. I could have found ways to be happy in the long run. But it felt unsustainable. I don’t like to admit it, but too much effort. And I kept wondering whether something “right” should constantly feel like so much work.
It’s also interesting that these changes felt like they happened pretty soon after we became a couple (vs dating a bit more casually). Maybe it felt like more responsibility, higher stakes? We put too much pressure upon our selves and each other because we were official.
A part of me has no regrets. A smaller part of me wonders if I lack the maturity and flexibility that would have made this work. But I either way I put in good effort so I have no large regrets.
I’m sure being away from NYC has taken my mind off things a lot. Being close to family helps. But I feel fine for now.
The day after I arrived, the four of us were supposed to get dinner at Intercrew but Harry got sick so Dad and I went to Kura sushi while Mom looked after Harry. On a sidenote: I truly love revolving sushi. Probably a top five dining experience for me. Kura had great food and gave a little sushi keychain as a toy to keep afterwards.
The day after on the official birthday, with Harry more recovered, we got lunch at Sun Nong Dan where I had the best galbi jjim in my life. We spent the rest of the day in Koreatown and got dinner at Louders. Pretty good day overall.
In the midst of the travel, the hangouts, the breakup and the birthday, I haven’t reflected that much on turning thirty. But now that the moment has come and gone, I feel good. Another hump successfully handled. I’ll write a longer post about the past decade where I’ll reflect on everything more deeply but I’m satisfied with how it went. I did what I could and I could have done better but I could have done way way worse. So I’m satisfied.
2024 Recap
Winter
I started this winter with a breakup. Karin was leaving for Indonesia so we decided to end it instead of doing long distance. We did a final trip to Montauk and broke up soon after taht
Immediately after I went to Will’s 30th birthday in Merida. I remember having mixed feelings about going but ultimately felt much better after the trip.
Dad also came to visit me in NYC.
I decided to jump straight into activities to take my mind off the break up. Dove head first into
Musical Improv
Producing my EP
Volleyball
Volunteering at the library recording studio
Started a poker group!
Spring
I went to Sweden for work
I released my EP!
This turned out to be one of the most gratifying things I did this year. I know I produce music at a turtle’s pace and that AI is coming to wreck everything BUT I did everything myself!
I ended up spending a lot more time with David.
I remember the first two times I met him. The first time was at a potluck at Heidi’s house. I remember thinking he was almost definitely in it to meet women. He had that vibe to him I guess. I didn’t talk to him too much but we talked in some of the same circles
The second time I met him was at another party at Pearl’s house. I don’t know exactly why but I had a feeling that I wanted to 1. be more open with people 2. help people. We ended up talking and bonding over 1. our recent breakups 2. the grind of creating music in my case and videos in his case. I offered to help him with project stuff if he wanted it and from then on we became good friends.
I think this was roughly around the time I watched Frieren (tbh I didn’t even like it that much and I didn’t finish the series) but I was struck by this feeling that it’d be nice to help people).
I’m actually genuinely surprised / happy about this. I’ve definitely made a good number of friends here but far fewer close friends. And it feels good to have made a close friend in the most random of circumstances.
Summer
I worked with Ricky to take some photos / shoot video to promo my songs! Honestly, I don’t think they did much to boost the listenership but I remember feeling so outside my comfort zone in a good way.
The lip sync videos here killlled me. Blasting music in front of a crowd of people filming lip syncs while trying to make it look like I didn’t care. Damn, what an embarrassing feeling. But I interpreted the embarrassment to be a good thing since it’s so infrequent that I push myself out my comfort zone like that.
Asia trip
Tokyo with Mom and Dad. Would have been nice if Harry came but I think he was starting his new job and didn’t want to take vacation?
Korea after that. Saw family and visited my maternal grandpa’s gravesite. I never knew him (met him maybe three times in my life since he was estranged from the family) but he was a medical officer in the Korean military so he got a pretty nice gravesite.
Taiwan to hang with Kristy and Will
Late summer I hosted a house cooling to catch up with my friends. At that point I thought I’d be leaving for California so I saw it almost as a farewell. But then I ended up meeting Tara right before my lease was up + work had some concerns about me leaving for the west coast so I decided to ride it out in NYC and see how things went with Tara.
Fall
Many trips this season
Went to Vermont with Tara. We both thought it might be a bit risky having only known each other for a little over a month but it turned out to be one of the best trips.
Went to the Catskills with some old and new faces: Kelvin, Tim, Susan, Junseo, Mary, Audrey
Went back to the Poconos a couple weeks after that with Tara. In contrast, this one felt a bit more strained. I think work had been ramping up and that had uncovered some compatibility issues in how much space I / she wanted.
In the midst of these trips, I went to Rockaway beach with Tim and David. A random memory but such a pleasant day. I remember on that trip we talked about what our “perfect day” would look like—all of which involved some variation of waking up with a beautiful woman in an exotic location and spending time with your friends.
That day was a near perfect day. The weather, the friends, the laziness with which we moved that day. I started in Williamsburg, went to Rockaway for beach and drinks, ate hotpot and KBBQ in DTBK and ended the night walking in DUMBO.
Said farewell to William who was moving to Taiwan for a couple weeks
Went to Vancouver with the fam and road tripped to Banff. It happened to snow this trip and this was one of the most beautiful, scenic trips I’ve been on in a while
Lastly went to SF with Tara to accompany her on her work trip. We ended up fighting in Napa but the drive back to SF and flight back to NYC were very pleasant
I think that contributed to my confusion. The tumultuous nature of our relationships. The higher peaks and the lower valleys and how it’d toggle between the two.
In hindsight, I did a LOT this season. No wonder I felt more tired and busy in the last few months than ever before.
And now I’m here. Writing from Oxnard.
2024 Reflections
Here’s the list of my goals I wrote at the start of 2024.
Of these I mostly met or met:
Hire a singing teacher
Release EP
Visit old friends (Sherry in London, Andrew in NYC, Kristy in Taiwan)
Host an event
I aimed for 12x but I think I did closer to 6x but still a pretty good success rate imo
Plan 30th birthday
Would have been nice to do a big bash but at least I got friends together for the occasion and we’re also going to Mexico City soon
Plan Dad’s 60th
We celebrated in Vancouver for his lunar birthday and I also flew back to surprise him for his actual birthday
Missed more on
Audition for an acting role
Produce a show
Cross country road trip
Curb my internet addiction
This one is kind of a win. I have seasons where I do well and seasons where I don’t
2025 Goals
This is more of a mind barf vs something I’ve sat down and meditated on for weeks. In this moment, for 2025:
Settle back in California (or at least sublet and decide for sure I don’t want to move here)
Date seriously. Maybe even find someone I could one day get married to
This is somewhat out of my control but I’ll do what I can.
Health
Implement a healthier food prep situation where I cook the majority of meals at home.
Consistently exercise throughout the year.
Deliver on my house music project: Dance Inc.
Release an EP along with visuals generated in Unreal Engine
If I decide to move to LA — build a life
Daily / Weekly routine
Social life
A sports activity, an artistic activity, a community activity
One month working remotely in a far flung place
As long as I work remotely, I want to have a yearly routine of picking a remote location and working remotely. See what the world has to offer
Find an alternative stream of income
I actually enjoy my job more now but I don’t see myself doing this work forever
I also realize that I’m probably spoiled in that I don’t understand how hard it is to make money in other ways.
But I want to try to make other money somehow. Maybe become more of a hustler vs sitting on my ass
2024 Takeaways
Kind of a strange, uncertain year. Maybe there’s some recency bias with the break up. But beyond that I lived with one foot in, one foot out. Uncertain of whether I’d stay in NYC or venture back to California to build a life here.
I don’t like uncertainty. For better or worse, I’ve always been the kind of person to know exactly what I want in any given moment. Some would call that a leadership trait. Others would call that inflexibility.
In any case, this year was more about living in that gray area. Trying to be more flexible. Trying to be more open with what the world had to offer.
On Doing Things
I built more upon the confidence I gained in my years living in NYC. There was a time when I was anxious about so much. Joining volleyball or taking singing lessons or putting out music. But I got to a point where these things come more or less with ease. This year alone I did many things that were or are outside my comfort zone
Hire a singing teacher
Musical improv
Release music
Host listening parties
Organize a poker group
Ask out a girl IRL
Film a somewhat humiliating lip sync video to promote my song
Film a somewhat embarrassing (but fun) Tik Tok dance to Espresso with David
I’ve walked away with a keener sense that life is over in a BLIP! and I’d rather do things I want to do vs wasting time wondering whether I should do it or not.
On Friendships
The harder parts of living (and the most rewarding) are related to other people. Having the vulnerability to pursue and care for other people even if you might get rejected. I did better on that in 2024. Both in terms of pursuing friends and pursuing relationships.
I was much better about reaching out to people and organizing events (listening parties, house cooling, etc.). I was more vulnerable about pursuing friendships. I remember meeting up with Junseo after a couple months not seeing each other and I felt so grateful that he’d reached out but also kind of guilty that I hadn’t put in the effort. Towards the end of the hang out I told him I appreciated being able to catch up and that I’d put in more effort into the relationship and reach out more often. He joked a bit about it feeling like a date but I think the message got across.
I’ve done better in reaching out. I’ve also realized that grander gestures are not always required but smaller things like messaging when you think of them is useful too.
On Romantic Relationships
In terms of romantic relationships I did what I could too. After Karin left I took some time before dating again. Around August I was somewhat sure I’d be leaving NYC and decided I wanted a final fling. So I went on a couple Hinge and CMB dates. But then I met Tara.
I did everything in my power to see her again. I remember the night after we first met, I was a little hesitant to reach out to her on IG but ultimately figured I had nothing to lose. After that I invited her to my office to hang out and jam together. And that night, luckily, David had invited me to bachata and I asked her to join. So, all in all, it was relatively painless getting together but I never would have gotten anywhere if I hadn’t taken that first step.
Despite it ending, I’m still pretty glad I took that initiative and I want to keep being that kind of person that takes risks for what I want despite rejection or humiliation.
I realized some more obvious things too. In this year and last year.
Don’t try to fix your girl’s problem. Just listen to her and be there for her
Keep putting in effort. In hindsight, a date night that I’d organize on a weekly basis might have been good for us
Don’t be afraid to show you like her. Maybe it’s a holdover from our high school crush days but WHY is it so hard to show that sometimes.
Tbh I felt this less with Tara but it’s something I still want to remember
Everything is relative. What might be insane between one couple might be right for another couple.
I felt this a lot. In my engineer brain I thought it’d be so simple if there was one right answer. One correct, simple solution. 1 + 1 = 2. You should text x times a day for optimal relationship. You should see her y times a week to keep things at its peak. But that doesn’t perfect solution doesn’t exist and everything is relative.
On Health
I missed a bit on health. A part of that, naturally, is dating weight. But a larger part of the picture was a lack of discipline and routine. I’m 30 now. In my late twenties I figured I’d get it together by 30. That time is now.
I made some efforts here. I hired a nutritionist. I calorie tracked my diet for some time. I made a pact with David that I’d exercise regularly through the week. It’s not like I’m particularly unhealthy, but I don’t feel that healthy either.
On the mental health front, I hired a therapist. Therapy alternates between feeling like a waste of time and money to feeling very insightful but ultimately, I learned a bit of how to handle my emotions better. Maybe a larger lesson here is to not invalidate my own feelings too often and to take time to process instead of being instantly reactive.
On Time
The older I get the quicker it goes. The biggest and truest cliche of all T I M E. As you get older you really need to figure out what matters to you because you run into the hard truth that
you can’t have everything
The older you get, the more you have to give up to focus on the things that really really matter to you.
But on the other hand, don’t feel too frantic with time. Above all else, enjoy it.
Best of 2024
Best Restaurants - There were no huge standouts.
Sun Nong Dan
Some recency bias here since I just went but the galbi jjim was amazing
Manhatta
The view and the food worked harmoniously
Soothr
Finally tried it. The egg curry was pretty good.
Burgers at Au Cheval / Nowon
This year I went on a burger tour. I ate at Minetta Tavern, Au Cheval, Red Hook Tavern, Nowon. These two were the best for me.
Best Books - Most of my reading this year involved reading about relationships. I also admit that I read a lot less this year
On Love by Alain de Botton
I re-read this this year. I actually borrowed the book from Helen years ago and forgot about it until I started dating again this year.
Never Can Say Goodbye by Sari Botton
I read this in the months leading up to the end of my lease. I thought I’d be leaving NYC at that point and wanted to read stories about NYC.
Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel S. F. Heller
I re-read this this year too. Super useful and resonated a lot.
Tbh I read other books this year but these were the stand outs.
Best TV / Movies
Best Video Games
Marvel Rivals
Been playing a ton with Harry. Reminds me of the old Overwatch days
Factorio
Played a lot but kind of bored with it now.
Best Music - started listening to a lot more house music this year
GEE LEE
As I produce house music I keep listening to him for inspiration
Knock2
Usually disliked this aggressive music but I really really liked dashstar* - VIP
Wave to Earth
Listened to them a lot more this year. Love Bad
Dhruv
Also got into him for the first time this year