New Job / Autumn Recap / Friends

Almost 3 months since my last post.

I’m writing from the Sweetleaf on Jackson Ave. In a couple hours I’ll be flying back to LA for Thanksgiving. A lot has changed since August.

New Job

Got a new job! From my last post—I’d returned from Edinburgh full of hope and inspiration. I planned on finishing my album. I planned on writing and staging a new musical. Things were looking up.

Then my first oncall shift came and everything fell apart. I don’t like blaming work for everything but I was getting paged through the night. 100+ times per shift. Truly hated work during this period. Besides oncall things were getting kinda shitty. My manager was going on paternity leave. My skip and I met maybe once per half. Didn’t love my team.

Decided then that there wasn’t much left for me at the company.

I first planned on quitting my job and taking a few months off doing nothing. I told all my friends. I’d spend the time getting back into shape, traveling, finishing my album (lol), cooking more, investing in relationships—all the things I so easily put off in the name of Work. I scheduled a meeting with my manager before he left for pat leave with the intention to quit.

But then I chickened out the night before.

Decided I’d rather leave on a high instead of escaping with my tail between my legs. Also didn’t want to deal with a loss of income for too long. The market also seemed pretty uncertain so I didn’t know how easily I’d get a job after my break.

Spent the next few weeks leetcoding and applying.

Anyways—starting the new job late November! It’s at the closest thing to a dream company for me. Working at a music company with plenty of WLB and also got the uplevel to Senior engineer :)

I am cautiously optimistic about what’s to come. I remember when I got my offer for my last job I was ecstatic. Literally jumped for joy when I got the offer.

But after the last five years I’ve come to think that work is just work. I feel like I’ve dealt with a lot of bullshit in the last few years (probably most people in the industry feel this way) and I’m somewhat bracing myself for what’s to come.

Still, whatever’s to come at least I got the promo I wanted and will (presumably) not be worked too hard at my next gig.

With the injection of WLB I want to focus on the next few years of Life. Plan further ahead instead of taking things day to day.

Autumn Recap

In chronological order:

September

  • Minigolf and Sum 41 concert

    • Went all the way to Jones Beach for the first time. Concert was ok. Mini golf was great. The beach setup was pretty cool. Pristine white sands with mini golf, tennis courts, ropes course, etc.

  • Mac Ayres concert

    • Best concert of the year. Asked a lot of different groups to go with me but no one was interested. Finally convinced Tim to go with and it ended up being incredible. Amazing vocals and vibes.

  • Catch up with Apollo at L’Industrie Pizza and watch a clown show

    • After seeing Stamptown in Edinburgh I’d wanted to see more clowns. Pizza was great. Clown show was a hit or miss.

October

  • Mary’s bday with the volleyball team :)

  • Kaagni and Nainaka’s bday at House of Yes

    • Was going to go with Will but he got sick and couldn’t go last minute. Convinced Karin to come with last minute

    • I’d wanted to go to HOY for a while and I’m glad I went. Been going to Bushwick more these days and it seems like a pretty cool neighborhood

    • They went for the sexy vibe as well but compared to the Stranger (another club in Manhattan) it was a little scaled down.

  • FKJ concert

    • Went with Tim, Nathan, Susan and Matt. Most people in the group didn’t know each other and I was the common link between everyone. Had a pretty fun dinner before the concert where we talked about our worst dating experiences

      • Dating is the most common battleground that anyone in their 20/30s in NY can commiserate over

  • Fall foliage with Karin

    • We went to Hunter Mountain to ride their ski lift up, rode a fall foliage train and did a lil apple picking. Ended up getting nearly 20 pounds of apples (we made an apple crumble bake with the apples we picked)

    • This was our first overnight trip so I was slightly nervous about how it would go but it was pretty fun

    • I love driving upstate

  • PREP concert

    • Concert again with Tim, Nathan and Susan. This time we smoked a joint before to really enjoy the funk of PREP

    • Also got 7th St Burger for the first time and it was pretty tasty

  • Costa Rica

    • With the FAM

    • Did a lot. This was a guided tour with a bunch of other families so we all kinda got to know each other by the end of the trip. Everyone was pretty fun

    • Coffee plantation tour, brewery tour, exploring downtown San Jose (underwhelming tbh), driving through the rainforest, zipline tour—we did a LOT

  • Halloween

    • Me, Karin, Kelvin and Will at Chaitya and Saad’s party. They rented out an entire bar in the East Village which was pretty cool

    • Karin and I have a running joke of talking bout Ratatouille so we that was our costume

November

  • Stamptown

    • Saw Stamptown with Harry! I loved them when I saw them for the first time in Edinburgh so I took Harry this time

    • Still pretty good and Harry seemed to really enjoy

  • Quit job

    • Goodbye! It’s been nearly five years and through the ups and downs I met some pretty good people

    • I’ll be working across the street from my old building so hopefully can keep in touch

me and my old team. we went pretty hard this night

  • Florida wedding

    • Went to Raj and Navdeep’s wedding in Mt Dora

    • My second time going to Orlando

    • Went by myself and made the best of the solo trip. Went to the Kennedy Space Center (cool but wouldn’t go back) and walked around Disney Springs

  • Heidi’s Bday

    • Saw Heidi! It’s been very very long. She hosted a bunch of people for waffles and brunch at her place

    • Also met a bunch of her Ohio State friends

Friends

That’s been the last few months. Lately I feel like I’m rushing through life. Not really directing myself and living deliberately. With the new job and the better WLB I hope to get back on that train.

I’ve also been talking about friendships more lately. Talking to different friends in NY who express how difficult it seems to build depthful relationships. There are so many choices and people and events in NY that it’s easy to rotate constantly but hard to consistently grow along someone.

I definitely feel that too. It’s not uncommon to have months long gaps between seeing a friend—even if I really like that person!

The energy and vulnerability it takes to consistently reach out when there are dozens of other people and priorities vying for your and their attention…

I wonder if this is a uniquely NY thing or people in other cities experience the same. I’d guess in smaller towns with a smaller set of people to focus on you kinda reach out to the same people more consistently. One of my friends plans on moving back to SF for this very reason.

There are some strategies to help here though

  • Be more deliberate. Instead of relying on chance and circumstances to bring you to a person—be more conscious about how the friendship is going

    • To this end I think tracking your friends via spreadsheet might help—one of my friends told me he does this as well. Tracking different friends he wants to get closer to along with the last time they hung out

  • Be more of an organizer.

    • I’m pretty bad at this and I always admire my friends who are able to do this so consistently. Kelvin’s great at this. Heidi’s great at this. Junseo seems good at this too with the dinner parties he’s been organizing. Organizers are far and few between but I think it’s a useful skill to have for the rest of your life

    • I’ve felt that my social life in NY has always been a hub and spoke model where I know a bunch of different groups but they don’t know each other. Fix here would be to deliberately mix and mingle