Ghost
I’m writing from the living room sofa. Drinking cold brew as I recover from last night’s Mala Project. I knew this would happen, but in the spirit of full circleness—not only did I order Mala Project, but I also ordered everything meat heavy—Sliced Eye of Round, Fun Size Sausage, Quail Egg, Tofu Pocket. No regrets.
It’s my second week back in NYC. I keep coming back to the imagery of a ghost haunting the house he used to live in. I am that ghost.
At first I said it jokingly to my friends but now I don’t actually want to feel that way. My last therapist said I have a tendency to stay in the pain longer than I need to. I’m the type to ignore the pain thinking it’ll just pass me by as I silently grit my teeth without showing too much. I think this is due to the fear of succumbing to pain if I actually show I’m in pain.
Anyways, my point is the last week in NYC has not been great. It’s been cold, lonely. I’ve been homesick, wondering what I’m doing here (especially for this long). Back in LA, I thought less about the break up. Now that I’m back to spending most of my time alone, I think about it more (side note: at least in NYC, it’s hard to get this balance right. Sometimes I feel I’m too busy, other times I feel I’m too free. It’s hard to get this right). I feel like I’m in this half way situation.
This is all a pretty good case for my possible move to LA.
But in the meantime, I want to actually plan for a great time in the remaining weeks I have in NYC. I need a perspective shift. Honestly, I haven’t really been living like it’s my last few weeks in NYC. Maybe a part of me doesn’t want to face that. Maybe I’m just not good at planning these things. Either way, I want to have some sort of farewell tour, to both the city and my friends.
To bring that goodbye into a reality. As of now I only have roughly 3 weeks left here.
I guess the first thing to do is to actually start clearing out my room. Start packing things and getting ready to go.
Also plan out at least one bigger event per week. Things or experiences I want to do. And do it, even alone if I have to.
I’ve lived with this mindset of hearing about things to do in NYC and putting it on the back burner. There’s always too many things to do here and I didn’t want to get burned out. This is the time to do it all.
Spitballing: pizza tour, the ride, carnegie hall, opera, one more broadway show, jazz show, tenement museum, comedy cellar, The Shed, etc…….
Besides my lack of spirit at times, all in all, it’s been a good week. I’ve stayed consistent with my trio of habits (read, open DAW and listen through to end of song, walk 45 min/exercise). It keeps me tethered to the idea that I’m improving as a human being so that’s nice.
I’m trying to remember what’s happened this week.
Caught up with Kelvin at Katsu Hama
Got restaurant week dinner with Kristy and Chai at Iris
Mala Project with Tim
Got Nan Xiang Xiao Long Bao with Derek
Started running after being inspired by David Goggin’s book Can’t Hurt Me
Went to the office and hung out with Evan
I guess I didn’t do much… To be fair it’s cold and I don’t love being outside, but it’s a light schedule